393- Birth of #BrainsOfAFeather

It has been very long since I both blogged and followed a twitter chat. Indeed, for the former, I've been lacking energy and inspiration, for the latter, most of the chats have been discontinued. 

The previous ones I participated in are usually mental health based, with very rare exceptions of a bookish chat and Melissa's PJChat which I haven't been able to follow due to changes in our sleeping routines.

392 - Home sweet home ?

So, in the past few entries, I discussed our trip to London (and Oxford), our visits to the park, to exhibits, mueseums, eating at a pizzeria and meeting friends. All the posts for this trip share the UK1018 keyword.

 Today, I want to do a bit of a comparison.

391 - London - the ending and homebound

For the 8th entry in UK1018 blog series to discussing the last portion of our stay. The previous week had been busy in London itself and on Friday 13th, we had went to Oxford for the Tolkien- maker of Middle Earth exhibit, a day both fun for this goal and for eating vegan pizza, but not for all its winds and difficult trip  back. 

390- Oxford!

I continue my UK1018 blog series, with day 8 of our UK visit, going out London for the first and only time. 

This was on Friday 12th , bound for Oxford, a trip that we hadn't known we'd try until the previous Sunday, and which was planned by Graham on Monday. 

389 - London 6- Trafalgar Square

(note on the image: this is one of my own photos, shot with the Cubot X18 phone. The national gallery is seen on the left corner above the fountain).

I continue my UK1018 blog series, with day 7 of our UK visit. 

That was on Thursday 11th, our  visit to Trafalgar Square. There, we split for a shortwhile. I went searching for bookshops while my wife drew. I had misunderstood recomendations made by my friend Nicole, and the two shops were full price, not second, so I didn't buy anything. 

388 - London 5 - The V&A

(image: my ow photo, a view from within the V&A, which I desaturated and added the text)

Because I didn't have computer access during our trip to London, I didn't blog on a daily basis as I wished. I therefore tell the tales after a fashion, and had ot divided my 4K+ word long entry into several posts.

I continue with the adventures we had after St James Park. 

387- Lodnon 4 - St James's Park

(I used one of my own photos for the image above.)

During my first trip to London, started in post 384.  The first place we visited was Nunhead cemetery on Sunday 7th. 

After a calm Monday at the flat and some grocery shopping, we went on with the next part of our adventures.

386 - London 3 : Nunhead cemetery

(I used one of my own photos for the image above)

After the introductions to our trip, my very first to London, I now start the first adventure there. 

It was on Sunday 7th. We took a via van to Nunhead cemetery, were we met with Iris, a friend of my wife's. They did art, I read Tolkien (Book of lost tales, 2) ; we walked about, taking photos and discovering this famous abandoned cemetery, now overgrown with nature. My wife had actually been there before, but it was my first, evidently. 

385- London 2

(note : I found this copyright-free clipart to which I added text)

As I said, one long entry would've been far too long for you to read, hence I opted for several entries instead. 

If you recall, i explained that I suffer from GAD, travel anxiety included, and also experienced terrorism rauma. 

384- To London

(note : I found this copyright-free clipart to which I added text)

Before travelling, I imagined composing entries on the go, to edit and publish with Blogger app on my phone. But, the truth is, I barely had time, nor will nor energy, though some of it was procrastination and playing my games on the phone instead of talking to it, composing and editing errors from Google Speak recognition. 

I also thought I could post everything in one entry, but when I saw over 4000 words, I decided to break it down Thus, this entry is about the trip in general, and in each of the following entries, I'll discuss a day or two in more details. 

Although titles may give the impression that am about to go, I didn't change the date, to pretend that I'd posted in due time. 

383- DeepRession

(image is copyright free that I found online)

I had intended a regular update about my health - physical and mental - during this year, and had posted them every few weeks. I wanted to do that for July, but didn't get around to it, and quickly, found myself at the end of August. Instead of the usual kind of post, I'm going to talk about the topic hinted to in the title : my knee-deep depression, into which I sank, a pit from which I cannot find a way out, as of yet. 

382- Book – Renaître après un traumatisme

Book – Renaître après un traumatisme : La traversée des tempêtes 
Author : Saverio Tomasella 
Score:  7/10
Year:  2015
Publisher: Eyrolles 

ISBN 978-2-212-56060-2
Pages XVI+212  

Language: French 

6 weeks ago, I had borrowed 3 psych books from one of our university libraries, as they were closing for the summer, allowing me the luxury of time to read them all. I read the first, and quit on the second, waited a while and read this present, third book.

381- Mental illness and gaming

Today I want to discuss gaming, and how games relate to my struggles with mental illnesses.

380- CBT4Hemophobia - 1

If you recall, I had 25 cbt sessions for social phobia (only counting my 2nd therapist's appointments). Then, we continued working together, this time on my complex emetophobia, which includes 3 others phobias. 

I hadn't blogged the 6th session, as it only continued the tasks from CBT4Emeto sessions 4 & 5. 

Yesterday was my 31st overall session, and while we continued working my emeto as a 7th session, we also had our 1st for hemophobia, which I discuss now. If you want to know more about the session's exposure tasks for emeto, read post 379. 

Due to the highly triggering aspect of this phobia, I now must cautious you that if you click to read more, trigger warning applies from this point onward. 

379- CBT4Emeto 6-7

If you recall, I had 25 cbt sessions for social phobia (only counting my 2nd therapist's appointments). Then, we continued working together, this time on my complex emetophobia, which includes 3 others phobias. 

I hadn't blogged the 6th session, as it only continued the tasks from CBT4Emeto sessions 4 & 5. 

Yesterday was my 31st overall session, and while we continued working my emeto as a 7th session, we also had our 1st for hemophobia, which I'll discuss in my very next entry, to be posted shortly after. 

Due to the highly triggering aspect of this phobia, I now must cautious you that if you click to read more, trigger warning applies from this point onward. 

378- Trauma, shame & guilt

The trigger warning for this entry corresponds to my own stories, starting at the 8th paragraph. 

The French book about trauma and resilience that I read recently mentioned, how after a trauma in which there is a victim and an abuser, the victims often faces either feelings of shame,  guilt, or both, and explained how this occurs. 
I don't want to do an exact translation, nor to plagiarize, but I thought to share, in gist, the content of this chapter, and I'll also discuss about this aspect in my own experience.

377- Book – Violence subie et résilience (details)

Book – Violence subie et résilience
Author : 15 therapists, edited by Claude de Tychey. 

Score:  7/10

Year:  2015

Publisher: Érès 

ISBN 978-2-7492-4786-1

Pages 232 (starts at 9) 

Language: French 

I recently chose three psychology books in one of our libraries, and decided reading this one first. It discusses, in 6 grand (un-numbered) chapters the topic of resilience in view of various traumas, and uses the general term sustained violence.  

This book is academic and uses a lot of scientific jargon - and this isn't limited to psychology, as it adds neuroscience and biological processes (hormonal releases under stress, for example).

376- CBT4Emeto- 5

This morning was my 5th CBT session for emeto, the previous  was just 2 weeks ago.  

Due to the highly triggering aspect of this phobia, I now must cautious you that if you click to read more, trigger warning applies from this point onward. 

375 - Self punishment 2 : emotional self-harm

During my research of images and material for the 1st part about my self punishment, I ran into Lilly Hope Lucario's entry here. I immediately realized that my medium-length entry wasn't enough and supposed I'd expand on the topic further. 

I'll avoid copy pasting anything from that link so you'll have to go back and forth between us if you want to keep up  - or if your memory's better than mine, read hers first and then see in what ways each type of emotional self-harm she discusses is reflected in my own case. 

Do be aware that in view of the topic, trigger warnings apply to both our entries. 

374- Self punishment 1

1,778 words and 10,175 characters shall follow below, normally not needing any trigger warning as I kept the topic in mild terms. Another entry on the topic shall follow, hence the title.

One of the aspects I discussed the least about in my CPTSD struggles is how I punish myself due to severe lack of self-worth & self-esteem, brought on by life in my father's religious cult.

If you haven't read this entry about depersonalization and conditioning, I invite you to do so now, and then come back to this post. 

373- CBT4Emeto- 4

This morning was my 4th overall CBT session for emeto, 3 weeks since the previous.  I was a bit anxious again, but less than the night before the 3rd session. 

Due to the highly triggering aspect of this phobia, I now must cautious you that if you click to read more, trigger warning applies from this point onward. 

372- Book –Les Phobies (Pedinielli/ Bertagne)

Book – Les Phobies : Agoraphobie, phobies sociales, phobies simples 
Authors : Jean-Louis Pedinielli & Pascale Bertagne 

Score:  5/10

Year:  2009

Publisher: Armand Colin 

ISBN 978-2-200-34122-0

Pages 126 (but starts at 7) 

Language: French

I borrowed this book at the Uni's library, as I'm always open to learn more about mental health topics, mental illnesses in general, and phobias in particular, because I suffer from several of them. 

This book is part of a series called 128, supposedly for the total number of pages each book of it carries. This count, however, is skewed as the editor uses the title-page as and 128 is the last printed page - the French Dépôt légal (legal deposit). 

371- 2018.5

It's the first of July, marking the halfpoint of this year - hence my blog title. This is the first health update in several months - in fact, 2 and a half of them, as you can see! 

370- Living in a religious cult 5 : Education Edition

When I started my first entry in this series, I hadn't anticipated I'd be at part 5 (nor that I'd alternate the words Living, and Growing), but since I believe in the importance of telling the trauma story, and to raise awareness about the damaging aspects of growing up, or living, in a religious cult, I hereby combine this with another subject I'm passionate about : Education. 

369- The Trauma Story

In the PTSD therapy book, edited by Ochberg, which I read a few months ago, on pages 304 - 305 which are in chapter 14, it is stated that telling one's trauma story is the centerpiece of therapy.  I'll go further, and add that it is central to one's healing process - in and out of therapy. 

This entry also serves for PTSD awareness month. 

368- PTSD vs CPTD

By the very nature of the topics at hand, trigger warning applies - including the wiki article.

I continue my entries for PTSD awareness month, with another mixed entry - describing both general aspects of it, and personal examples to illustrate. Today's topic is the difference between PTSD and CPTSD. 

367- #FathersDay

A lot of people celebrate today their father, and that is fine if they/ you feel like celebrating your wonderful father, his actions and raising you, in his support and so on. 

I personally don't celebrate this yet another largely commercialized day, not only because of this aspect or that each country has its own origin and sometimes assigned date, but also because I have no father to celebrate.

366- #purplesummer- Child abuse awareness

*** multiple trigger warnings***

I also warn you that this is a very long entry, so you may want to grab a cuppa and take your time reading it, you're in for 2076 words from now: 

Today is Child Abuse Awareness Day, for which I display the official #purplesummer image I found online. 

Instead of drowning you in statistical numbers that I'll keep to a minimum for several reasons (availability, most probable tip of an iceberg, variation in definitions), I want to let you know that this entry comes with the usual trigger warnings, and that I'll discuss both broad, general aspects of child abuse, as well as my own experiences as an abused child. 

365- CBT4Emeto- 3

This morning was my 3rd overall CBT session for emeto, a tad over a month since the previous.  I was quite anxious and very stressed last night and this morning, as I felt I'd lacked my assigned task and that this particular therapy is very tough for me, because my complex emetophobia is my worse mental health struggle of them all. 

Due to the highly triggering aspect of this phobia, I now must cautious you that if you click to read more, trigger warning applies from this point onward. 

364- Living in a religious cult 4 : health Edition

Trigger warning (trauma and religious cult). Also, *potential* inflammatory topic. 

In my youth, I never had a clear image of health - not mental and not physical. Religious dogmas can put one's health at risk, due to many skewed visions of science in general and health in particular.

Indeed, in a religious cult, belief and blind faith must win over any actual ailment, and the sacrosanct soul is more important than the body and person that hosts it. I recall all those sermons where my father would preach to me as well as his own wife (not my mother, you'll know this if you read me before), and his disciples. 

363- Stepping out of Mental health (#talkmh)

For sufferers of mental illness, all topics of mental health and support are at the core of our days. 

Indeed, we seek answers on how's and why's. We're on a quest for tools to better cope with our conditions. We may read psychology and self-help books or blogs ; we may view vlogs by others who also suffer, who may have advice to share through their experiences, or by therapists. 

Most often, we may be in therapy, or in waiting lists, to be helped by professionals - either for the above goals, and/ or for medication. 

362- Growing up in religion cult part 3 : stunted emotional growth

Trigger warning : trauma material. Religious cult. Abuse. Suicidal ideation. 

For PTSD awareness month,  I pursue my series Growing up in a religious cult. Today's topic refers to stunted emotional growth, through the aspect of denied romances during my teens, for which I quote post 334 : " I was never to initiate any kind of romantic or sexual activity.... Straying from this spiritual path of unity under his guide and rule of thumb came with a death sentence, of which he reminded me often. With this Damocles sword above my head, I was unable to pursue romantic feelings I had towards any of the girls, and later of the young women that I'd met and was interested in." His, refers, if you haven't read the full entry or others on this blog, are my father's rules, as he was the cult founder & leader.

New EU policies : privacy etc

New EU POLICIES :

To comply with the new EU privacy and cookies laws, which came to effect on 26th of May 2018, I now add to what blogger displayed, additional information and disclaimers.

360- mhaw18 concludes...

This is the last day of #mhaw18 (or #mhaw2018 if you prefer), the most concentrated week in May, Mental Health Awareness Month. We try to raise understanding and to build bridges between us, sufferers, and those around us, who don't suffer, in order to break down stigma and to remind everyone, that though statistics show 1 in 4 or 5 people in any modern society may suffer from mental illness, every person has mental health, and it's important to preserve and safeguard by many means. 

359- My waking hours' LifeStyle

I discussed my sleep in several facets : my difficult, interrupted sleep ; my habits ; the benefits that I wish to attain from sufficient sleep, and today, I'm going to expand this series with my lifestyle in the waking hours. 

358- Benefits of proper sleep

since my pc isn't currently available, I'm using a copyright free image I found online, and only added my text. 

So you know that I sleep rather badly, due to my mental illnesses, most notably depression, anxiety and cptsd. I discussed my sleep habits, and now I'll explain why I wish to improve my sleep. 

Health magazine discusses 11 surprising benefits from sleep, and although some also require a lot of personal effort and commitment, such as training for sports, proper sleep surely plays a role. Each of their points cover more than one benefit. 

357- Self diagnosis ?

Diagnosis, in medical sense, is defined as the "identification of the nature of an illness or other problem, by the examination of the symptoms". Modern Latin derives the full meaning from Greek diagignōskein ‘distinguish, discern’ (from dia ‘apart’ + gignōskein ‘recognize, know’).

Thus, a doctor or therapist learns to decipher and sort out all the sets of symptoms which a patient describes, additionally to whatever the praticien can find from observation and tests, to build a coherent diagnosis, and choose the most appropriate tools/ medication/ therapy available. 

356 - Sleep habits

After my general post about sleep and how lacking sleep can be detrimental to physical and mental health alike, I want to discuss the topic of sleeping habits. In this I don't mean anything scientific as sleep patterns but about the need to have regularity and habits, as opposed to irregular sleeping hours, and how those affect me adversely. 

355- Of Trauma, Sleep and Health

Sleep is an integral part for almost anything that is alive, and this includes us, humans. Science proves how important it is to sleep and have linked insufficient sleep with risk factors in development of physical disease such as the common cold, but also several others, due to reduced immune system which apparently replenishes best when the person sleeps well. This Harvard uni website describes these aspects. 

354 - Ugliness in CPTSD's

As part of a collaborative blog post that Angela posted for mental health awareness week 2018, I volunteered to discuss the ugly side of my CPTSD's, discussing in 100-150 words for her post, which I'll expand further in my own entry here. 

This is the direct link to her entry from yesterday, where my condensed text appears alongside others, covering the ugly side to 11 different mental illnesses. I hope you'll give it a read and support Angela and each participant. 

For this awareness week, I'll post different entries and use the official #mhaw18 & #mhaw2018 hashtags on social media - alongside others for the topics, as well as mental health related twitter chats. This week is also the emphasis of the general month of May that is dedicated to raising awareness about mental health matters and struggles with mental illnesses. 

353 - A museum visit

Anyone who knows me well enough, knows that archaeology fascinates me and that I had even wished to make it a career, which never happened. I love to learn about our past through reading books, articles (and blogs if I find any), watching documentaries and going to museums, specifically to see exhibits about it. 

Yesterday, we went to one, which presented results from recent digs further north from here, when the region was still a capital - during the gallo-roman period. 

352- CBT4Emeto- 2

It has been months since I had shifted my CBT from social phobia to emeto. Indeed, in the interim, if you recall, I had been diagnosed and then underwent a small surgery for DFSP, which is a kind of rare skin cancer. I had also caught a cold for 3 weeks, and my post-op recovery was a slow one, during which I wasn't able to properly walk, and couldn't risk infection by going to my CBT, since it is held in a local hospital .

It took me a long time to be ready and have a green light from my surgeon that I could resume my normal life ; I made the call and set the appointment. I therefore had my second session, today.

From now, trigger warnings apply to all emetophobia sufferers. 

351- Daily Impacts- Mental illnesses

This 9th chapter is the final in my daily impacts series, but it cannot be an end, as my story, and experiences are ongoing, and that my recovery is more or less also on path. 

This 9th chapter serves as a summary to this series, binding and exploring how the sum of my mental illnesses interact to impact me on a daily level - in a 24-hour format, not just daytime. 

350- Trauma at young age and why so complicated to heal

I recently discussed PTSD, and coping - both maladative and adaptive types. These two entries followed ater I finished Ochberg's PTSD therapy book, where, in pages 246-251, his collaborator John P. Wilson explains the relation of PTSD to personality disorders, and personality propensities. 

349- Ella's Tomorrow Concept

Ever since my PC died (or went into a deep coma, we won't know until next week if it can be fixed), I've lacked both inspiration and time to blog, so I thought to fill-in and participate once more to a taf by Ella, aka today_t-forever, who created this Tomorrow concept, based on thoughts she had, as often, late at night. 

348- 2018 health updates to 16/4

The past few weeks have been tough on my mental health. I lost friendships, others also seem on the way out, and my overall physical shape as been a-wall, and despite this, there are some positive news too, so here goes for this edition of 2018 health updates. 

347- Beyond stats and dx

Se often hear statistics about how many people suffer from mental illness. Campaigns aiming to get rid of stigma and to get politicians involved and to help them understand that there are so many millions of us who suffer from mental illnesses also use these stats. We often hear that we are 1 in 4, meaning that 25% of the population is known to suffer from one or several mental illnesses.

We also discuss the importance of proper diagnosis as a tool, ideally, for a person to get the adequate help, therapy and sometimes medication, and this is true.

346- Mystery blogger award (Okoto Enigma, via Ella)

Before I explain this entry, I send big thank you’s to Ella for the nomination, check out her twitter and her blog.

I also thank Okoto Enigma  who created this award on her blog.

345- (C)ptsd & adaptive coping

I discuss my traumas in dozens of entries, and yet, haven't really talked about coping outside of my exposure therapy for social phobia. 

In my previous entry, I talked about trauma and maladaptive coping, leaving adaptive coping tools to this present one.