365- CBT4Emeto- 3

This morning was my 3rd overall CBT session for emeto, a tad over a month since the previous.  I was quite anxious and very stressed last night and this morning, as I felt I'd lacked my assigned task and that this particular therapy is very tough for me, because my complex emetophobia is my worse mental health struggle of them all. 

Due to the highly triggering aspect of this phobia, I now must cautious you that if you click to read more, trigger warning applies from this point onward. 




In the 34 days since the previous session, I had only one task : that of taking hair out of sink or tub, doing so as I always did before - meaning far from any meal time - but preferably with heavy duty gloves, to avoid the contact I had thus far by using paper towels. I couldn't really implement this task, because of several external delays which prevented me from going to the hardware store for gloves in my size - as my hands are bigger than all kitchen gloves that local supermarkets and malls ever sell. (I'll keep my feminist rant about this to myself atm). 

So, between today at the next session - which will be on 3rd of July - I need to find the time to go that hardware store, and in the meanwhile, have a second task, which won't be easy at all (not that I anticipate any of my tasks in this CBT4emeto's exposures to ever be easy) :

To reduce my avoidance of garbage/ waste containers in the streets, which include dogs' #2's and even though am allowed, for this task, to keep my distance, I have to avoid avoiding them as I have been till now. This avoidance have been usually changing sidewalks or, if impossible, to walk past these triggers very fast. I now have to learn to slow down and when possible, not to cross the street. 

This task, of course, may seem easy to those who don't suffer from emeto, but to me, this and many others are beyond difficult. 

On a side note, my therapist confirmed that we'll also work my other intertwined phobias, so one day, hopefully, I could watch more graphic material than I am able now ; to hide behind my knees less, one day, maybe, possibly.. (see how difficult it is to be confident about outcomes of a lifelong struggle, even though I have a great therapist who helped me through social phobia, and with whom I have a good rapport.)