366- #purplesummer- Child abuse awareness

*** multiple trigger warnings***

I also warn you that this is a very long entry, so you may want to grab a cuppa and take your time reading it, you're in for 2076 words from now: 

Today is Child Abuse Awareness Day, for which I display the official #purplesummer image I found online. 

Instead of drowning you in statistical numbers that I'll keep to a minimum for several reasons (availability, most probable tip of an iceberg, variation in definitions), I want to let you know that this entry comes with the usual trigger warnings, and that I'll discuss both broad, general aspects of child abuse, as well as my own experiences as an abused child. 


As I said above, statistics can represent nothing more than a tip of a largely invisible iceberg, especially due to the difficulties in gathering data, and lack of standardized legal terminologies for child abuse. This means that what constitutes child abuse in one or several countries, may not be deemed abuse at all in others. 

I want to raise awareness to the fact that child abuse doesn't occur only in poverty-stricken populations and nations ; they occur in all social strata, even in so-called developed, industrialized counties and may take many forms. 

For instance, let me compare 2 countries here.

USA:

Population 308.7 million (2010 census) ; 325.7 million (2017)
Child population around 74.2 million (2010 census) 
According to my source (childhelp.org) There are 3.6 million referrals to child protection agencies every year, as since one referral may include multiple children, this concerns about 6.6 million children. Only 3.2 million of these children are subject to an investigated report. 

Every day, between 4 & 7 children are lost to abuse and neglect in the USA alone.
A report is made every 10 seconds!

An example was in 2014, when state agencies found an estimate of 702,000 victims of child maltreatment, which would fill 10 modern football stadiums. Can you imagine this ? 

As such, the USA has one of the worst records among so-called developed, industrialized countries.

UK: 

Population 65.64 million
Child population about 13 million (I had to dig this out!) 
Yearly referrals : on NSPCC I find 58,000 children, yet on PSE they say there is a referral every 39 seconds, with 500 daily investigations, and that the rate of referral in 2014-2015 was 54.8 per 1,000 children (so it'd be around 602,800 children that year!)  & yet again, NSPCC says that over 390,000 children RECEIVED support...


I'd intended to also show French stats, but as you can see, even 2 anglophone countries don't present their stats in the same manner, and numbers are diverse. In any case, I believe these numbers to be only a visual tip of a much larger invisible societal disease, that has the blanket term child abuse, and which may take many forms, depending on each nation's legal definitions, child protection services, and everyone's capacity gathering exact data.

What I'd like to raise awareness to is that child abuse may take many forms ; that stats aren't true representations of the scope of these problems, and that there are numerous results from any form of abuse.

So, what forms are there ? 

I shall divide this into 2 main categories : Physical, and psychological. 

Some forms may belong to both, and they usually do. Indeed, physical abuse in any of its forms carry psychological aspects and repercussions, and some psychological abuses may cause physical somatic aspects. 

In physical, there are any number of combinations, such as beating and spanking - often done as so-called discipline, to discourage misbehavior ; infliction of injuries, humiliation, placing a child in danger, and many other forms. 
Although usually treated as a separated form, sexual abuse is both physical and psychological. 

In psychological there can be also combinations, such as verbal abuse, constant belittling/spurning, harsh criticism, but also isolating, terrorizing, or acts which can create psychological harm to the child. 

Some separate neglect as its own form, some select as a psychological abuse type, but it can also be physical. For example, denying a child signs of affection is both - the child is harmed psychologically by withholding physical and/or verbal reassurance and affection.

Other forms of neglect are those of denying or failing to fulfill children's needs for food, health/medication, clothing, shelter, safety and well-being. 

As you can see, even on a basic wiki entry, one can read many variations and forms of child abuse. Yet, some aren't mentioned. For example, what I discussed about religious indoctrination, be it in a cult or a major religion alike. This isn't often discussed out of political correctness and the fact that most of the believing world doesn't see the harm in repeating religious beliefs and faiths upon children who cannot choose for themselves, as they are born into a faith and religion. Then, there are degrees on how this impacts a child who grows into an adult. In my opinion and not basing in only on my own experience in a religious cult, most precepts followed by parents who enforce their views, philosophy and beliefs on a child don't even notice that they are harming, and some go as far as knowingly perpetuating this form of abuse. 

Wiki did mention something else I experienced, and many children around the world, in all social strata as well : witnessing domestic violence, and/or (for me both cases apply) experiencing first-hand abuse from a parental figure. 

In short, my experiences includes, therefore:

• Witnessing domestic violence
• Growing up in a religious cult, with more rules than average, indoctrination, depersonalization, 
• Physical abuse (beatings, many punishments)
• Psychological abuse (isolation, such as gradually forbidding social interactions and never having my friends over, being locked up in WC, belittling & humiliation, loud screams to me or to my step-mother, terrorizing with promisses of beatings and, for ex, those times I was told not to talk to girls, under penalty of death   
• Neglect (withheld meals, denied medical needs and care, withheld affection and emotional responsiveness, confiscated gifts I'd received...)
• Exploitation (wiki puts in the psychological section but it has many physical aspects, for example, using me for house chores such as cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping and hauling enough food for the entire family + disciples, all these forming some kind of slavery)
• .... Anything else that I may have omitted here or forgotten/ repressed. 

These experiences have all been difficult to go through, to say the least. Modern science finds that any of these can create post-traumatic stress disorder, and because I experienced all of them and from my youngest age to about 19, with no support and no way out, I developed the complex form of PTSD (= c-ptsd). Witnessing domestic violence, experiencing any of the abuses I mentioned, have all been aspects of my life that I had from such a young age that there is no "before" and "after", as I explained elsewhere. I have no pre-trauma levels to regain, and have no "pre-trauma" personality traits, as they all developed and shaped during these tough, horrendous situations. 

But, these experiences didn't leave me only and solely with multiple forms of CPTSD. They left me with a number of other mental illnesses, ranging from chronic depression, to GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), and many phobias (social, emeto and many more). 

By the very nature of my experiences and of these co-morbid mental illnesses, my healing process is very slow, non-linear, and I have had many setbacks and efforts to even function on a daily basis. 

My traumas have left enduring struggles, difficulties and adverse effects on my life. Child abuse is a form of trauma that may delay one's emotional and psychological growth ; it's also one which may propel a person to have to be an adult before their time, in taking care of themselves, and trying to avoid worse case scenarios at home, or having to flee. 


I suspect that other adults who were victims of child abuse, and/or those who witnessed domestic violence would have the same difficulties as I in defining who we are and separate it from our traumatic experiences. I'm equally sure that the younger the child was, the more likely that the adult won't have a frame of reference to heal towards a pre-traumatic state, much like myself. I know that though not everyone who experienced traumas shall develop PTSD or CPTSD, abused children, I assume, would most probably suffer form it, in view of the nature of this trauma and the young age in facing it - especially if there is no support network or early intervention to safeguard the child. I have no statistical data about this. Lastly, those who do develop (c/)PTSD may also suffer from other co-mordib mental illnesses. 

In some countries, child abuse is routine and isn't even legalized as such, which means that the victims are never recognized ; their suffering is ongoing, even in this day and age. Elsewhere, child abuse costs lives, quite literally and in any case, it's a social disease of magnitude. This in turn creates so many social issues, and in any survivor there is enough suffering and trauma, that it can affect the person for the remainder of their life. Some, like me, exhibit symptoms of mental illnesses ; many of us have difficulties trusting people, especially those with authority, and sometimes officials (if we feel that we have been let down). 

We may have difficulties relating to others ; dating and living with significant others may take us years to even try (again, out of trust issues). 

Like other forms of trauma, a sufferer may turn to substance abuse (alcohol, drugs) or other dangerous activities - or on the contrary, to be so demure we don't take any risks (especially if our hyper-altertance is more prominent). 
We may be under-achievers, or be workaholics, just like being addicted to substances. We may have difficulties finding and holding jobs, and being otherwise stable in life. 

It takes a LOT of personal effort and commitment, a lot of help from others - provided we recognize our need and actually reach out asking for it, or that someone saw us and knew how to help us despite ourselves. 

Personally, I had no real help. The only deliverance I had was after my paternal grandfather had told me the truth, and though he couldn't fulfill his promis in reuniting me with my mother himself, I still eventually did come back from my traumatic years abroad. 
There was also my best friend from class, M, whom I mentioned before. 

During all my years, I have told my trauma stories on numerous occasions, but only after my return to my home-country ; I couldn't confide in anyone in the heat and height of my trauma-ridden experiences. 
I've told it to total strangers when I had no one else, but also have had talk therapy 
(= psychotherapy) for my traumas. I've told it to friends, and this includes the friend who knew before me that we were in love, and who came to live with and marry me and have been my closest confidant and sturdiest source of support. 

I never stop learning about my traumas, how they affected and still do, and unlearning all those thoughts and feelings which came in the box marked "domestic abuse and child abuse". 
Martin's book InVincible brought further light and understanding, which I've been expanding on & off for the past few years, as it became more than clear that it was high time to address my traumas, head-on. 

One of the things I had to un-learn and which I wish to close this entry with, is that even in the darkest moments of despair, when you think you cannot get out of your situation, if you find your inner strength to reach out and ask for help, you can eventually get it, though you may have to insist and you may have to go to a shelter. (I personally had none in my childhood, and wish I had). So, please, if you suffer, don't give up on yourself, don't let the abuse go on, reach out, and find the help you need. Recovery is possible, but it's not easy. 

I hope this social disease that is child abuse is now a bit clearer for you. All my opinions are the fruit of my own experiences and research, but you may have your own ideas on it. The more we talk about it, the more we raise awareness and call out about this injustice, the more chances we have to get rid of it, or in more realistic terms, reduce the impacts of this disease in our society. 

Thank you for having read this long but important post on this sensitive topic.