379- CBT4Emeto 6-7

If you recall, I had 25 cbt sessions for social phobia (only counting my 2nd therapist's appointments). Then, we continued working together, this time on my complex emetophobia, which includes 3 others phobias. 

I hadn't blogged the 6th session, as it only continued the tasks from CBT4Emeto sessions 4 & 5. 

Yesterday was my 31st overall session, and while we continued working my emeto as a 7th session, we also had our 1st for hemophobia, which I'll discuss in my very next entry, to be posted shortly after. 

Due to the highly triggering aspect of this phobia, I now must cautious you that if you click to read more, trigger warning applies from this point onward. 


Let me remind of my exposure tasks of the past 4 sessions: 

1. Using gloves to clean hairs out of tubs and sinks 
2. To reduce my avoidance of garbage/ waste containers in the streets, which include dogs' #2's and even though am allowed, for this task, to keep my distance, I have to avoid avoiding them as I have been till now. This avoidance have been usually changing sidewalks or, if impossible, to walk past these triggers very fast. I now have to learn to slow down and when possible, not to cross the street. 
3. Increasing my capacity to sort dirty laundry - far away from meal times, but not to ask my wife to do them. 

I still haven't managed to get gloves in my size, so task #1 is postponed until I can. I hope to buy them in the last week of August, when our tram resumes its course, after 3 and half long months of interruption due to maintenance.  For this reason, I asked a few extra days till the following session. 

Meanwhile, I further reduces my avoidance of waste in the streets by another 30% or so, and I also started to reduce my subtle avoidance as my therapist suggested in the 4th session. 

I reduced the lapse of time I need after meals and getting up, to manage sorting laundry or washing dishes - these aren't very significant  yet, but it's a start. 

I also managed washing the odd ball or cup, closer to meal times, as they aren't as dirty as the rest. This was an exposure task set for the 6th session, and I implemented it gradually over the past month. 

You may think these tasks are easy ; yet, those of us who suffer from emeto, such as myself, this and many others are beyond difficult. Mornings are the toughest, but also after eating : I often wait a whole 2 hours before doing any of them, and since these have affected me in the past 3 decades, it'll take a lot of efforts, with small strides at a time, to overcome even a bit of it all. 

CBT and exposure aren't easy, as my phobias had crystallized and hardened in me ; with my therapist's help, and doing this very gradually, I hope to become more functional and to reduce the impact this complex-emeto phobia has on me (I'll remind, 3 other phobias are embedded into it).

I still haven't been able to discern the automatic thoughts and emotions that are associated to these triggers ; my emotional numbing and the fact that these phobias have been crystallized for so long really make it tough to peer through nay and each of them, so for the time being, I power through as much as I can, and the rest of the time, I'm still at their mercy. 

Next session : 4th of September.