376- CBT4Emeto- 5

This morning was my 5th CBT session for emeto, the previous  was just 2 weeks ago.  

Due to the highly triggering aspect of this phobia, I now must cautious you that if you click to read more, trigger warning applies from this point onward. 


Let me remind of my exposure tasks of the past 2 sessions: 

1. Using gloves to clean hairs out of tubs and sinks 
2. To reduce my avoidance of garbage/ waste containers in the streets, which include dogs' #2's and even though am allowed, for this task, to keep my distance, I have to avoid avoiding them as I have been till now. This avoidance have been usually changing sidewalks or, if impossible, to walk past these triggers very fast. I now have to learn to slow down and when possible, not to cross the street. 
3. Increasing my capacity to sort dirty laundry - far away from meal times, but not to ask my wife to do them. 

I still haven't managed to get gloves in my size, so task #1 is postponed until I can. 
Meanwhile, I managed to reduce my avoidance of waste in the streets but about 25-30% or so, and I also started to reduce my subtle avoidance as my therapist suggested in the 4th session. 
My wife was gone to visit London for 10 days, during which I managed to sort and keep pace with laundry-washing, but it remained, just like the rest, a difficult set of exposures, which, as I told my therapist this morning, are still tasks for me, and not second nature. 

For the 6th session (3rd of August), I have to continue tasks #2 &3 as much as possible, as I still feel I need to perfect both, and #4 is altering my dish-washing routine, as follows : 

I can still wash the majority far away from meal-times (I've been doing this about 2-3 hours AFETR), but I need to learn to wash, as needed, cups, mugs and any other water-container that wouldn't be too dirty ; this, at any given moment. 

Each of these tasks may seem easy to those who don't suffer from emeto, but to me, this and many others are beyond difficult. Mornings are the toughest, but also after eating : I often wait a whole 2 hours before doing any of them, and sometimes even 3, which complicates all my daily routines in many ways. This task #4, for instance, shall be a tough one to implement, especially that I have just over 2 weeks to do so, but it needs to be done, and I need this kind of pressure. I can no longer suffer from emeto to the extent that it has affected me for 3+ decades, and worsened over the past couple of years, and again, just these past few months! 

As I said previously, CBT and exposure aren't always easy, especially when such a phobia has crystalised and hardened in me ; with my therapist's help, and doing this very gradually, I hope to become more functional and to reduce the impact this complex-emeto phobia has on me (I'll remind, 3 other phobias are embedded into it).

I haven't been able to discern the automatic thoughts and emotions that are associated to these triggers as of yet ; I think my emotional numbing and the fact that these phobias have been crystalized for so long make it really tough to peer through them, so for the time being, I power through as much as I can, and the rest of the time, I'm still at their mercy. 

Next session : 3rd of August.