369- The Trauma Story

In the PTSD therapy book, edited by Ochberg, which I read a few months ago, on pages 304 - 305 which are in chapter 14, it is stated that telling one's trauma story is the centerpiece of therapy.  I'll go further, and add that it is central to one's healing process - in and out of therapy. 

This entry also serves for PTSD awareness month. 

In my opinion, based on experience, telling my trauma stories has several axes, for the healing process: 

• In telling these stories, I am taking (or at least try to take) power over that person who wronged and abused me - namely my father, the founder and leader of the religious cult I was born into. This is true about others who also participated in making my life difficult, or those who abused my trust, but in both cases, this is a lesser degree than regarding my father. 
• In telling, I take the power, over the one he had believed having over me, which was true as a child, and which I kept giving him, even after I cut physical ties with him. 
• In telling, I bring awareness to all facets of my traumatic experiences - showing that not only trauma isn't a result of only military service or that of other emergency and law enforcement, but that there are multiple other ways one can develop ptsd, or cptsd. 
• I discuss the differences between these two (c)and ptsd here. 
• In telling, I show that past traumas continue to be experienced years later, & to affect us.
• There is no miracle cure, but resilience, hard work, support and coping tools aid towards healing, partial or fuller, depending on the person and trauma. 

What telling these stories isn't about :

• Seeking attention or pity 
• Being in a race for "who has it worse"
• Comparing between experiences (very similar to the previous statement, but still different). 

What it is about :

• Sharing experiences, for mutual support in similar cases
• Getting clarity from those who healed more than us on similar paths 
• Offering & getting support even when we don't have similar enough experiences to draw upon.
• Showing others who are still suffering alone, that a) they aren't alone ; b) it's possible to get out of situations, and c) to heal, even a bit/ enough to live a better life. 
• Raising awareness, not only about the many facets that trauma can wear, but also those more hidden, obscured paths that can lead to post-traumatic stress 
• Pushing out difficult emotions and feelings associated with trauma, to expose them out of ourselves so we can better look at them, ascertain, understand and work on healing from them, each in a sequence, that may or may not be linear, continuous or discontinuous. 
• Raising awareness to possible coping tools -  from maladaptive to adaptive ones ; healing paths, and to build support networks which can be so crucial for everyone - those who are still in a situation, or those have been out but need that extra push to continue fighting. 
• Expressing myself is important for me : I wasn't allowed to express emotions, opinions or show any independent thought outside of the strict rules of the religious cult. In telling my story, I take at least this power to express my emotions and feelings, experiences and opinions - hence multiple blogs (this one for mental health and lifestyle, but I currently also have 4 other blogs, which aren't mental health based). 

Must I really tell my trauma story?... it's kinda private! I don't wanna shock people! 

It's not an obligation or a mission of life to tell your trauma story ; but, if you need therapy, you'll have to learn to discuss the topic, as hard as it may be, as your therapist can help you best by knowing enough details.  

What I'd like to add here is that telling your story doesn't make you weak, nor having had traumatic experiences. There is no shame to be had about either having experiences trauma, or going through post-traumatic stress. 

Part of your healing process, just like mine, is to understand the nature of this trauma, and how much of it was out of our control ; how much of the healing path is in our control, in contrast. 

Telling your story may shock, but this isn't because of you : it's because a lot of traumatic experiences carry with them elements which are shocking by nature. Your audience may be sensitive and receptive, or may be biased and dismissive. You may face stigma and misconceptions from others, so you would have to be careful on when and to whom you entrust your story. 

My advice in telling is the same as that which my therapist suggested last year (I copy paste from entry 206)


To practice a mindful self-awareness when the situation arises and have a small inner dialogue to decide

1. I either feel too fragile and want to protect myself. I can reply that I wish not to discuss it that moment. 
2. or, I can decide to talk openly & un-apologetically about my feelings and traumas (since I am a MH activist now),  to take the conscious risk of feeling sick and that each time I do this, it'll be very similar to the exposure part of my CBT for social anxieties and that in time, I would get less often sick, and less intensely. 

This advice, added with my CBtherapist's advice to talk about this traumatic aspect of my past gradually and to limit my audience, at least at first, to 3 people, make up a good set of guidelines for me to follow and work towards reducing these physical effects of such difficult discussions. 

Thus, in choosing your audience and the moment, you take part of the control that is needed for your healing journey. As Ochberg and the authors he invited to share the book I mentioned at the beginning of this entry, part of the trauma events are often experienced as lack of control, and being proactive in your healing path - through choosing a type of therapy, and a therapist, to best suit you ; through choosing your audience, and moment, you take back that which you may have felt out of your control. 

Choosing to tell your story may have other goals ; they may be similar to mine, or different. That should be ok. It may not always be easy, and some days you may feel the need to be quiet about it. That should also be ok. Telling should be a choice, not an obligation, but if you can and feel that it'd be beneficial for you and your healing process,  I invite you to start telling, and embarking on this journey to better coping, recovery, healing and eventually, reaching thriving. 

No matter how long it may take, the process is possible, and you can find others who either share a similar story ; or a dissimilar one, and both alike may offer support, an ear to listen, eyes to read you, and together, all of us, we can bring down stigma, and grow in our healing paths. 

I like this quote by Michelle Rosenthal: "Trauma creates change you don’t choose. Healing is about creating change you do choose". You can find many others here. Maybe one or several of them shall speak to you more, and proper you unto the healing path. 

May it be a rewarding and healing process for you, my readers, in telling your own stories.