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Book- InVincible
Author : Brian F. Martin
Note : 9/10
Year: 2014
Perigree.
265 pages
I started reading this book yesterday- if you want to my first part, pertaining mostly to a summary of its content and my first impressions, read entry 119
This second part will be edited as I progressed in my reading, so you'll have to come back to it again.
Thus far, I only read the forward and preface, followed by Mr Martin's read me first - where he told of the importance of reading the book in order and not skip the chapters, as one leads to the next, and I read chapter 1, Undiscovered gifts.
There, the author tells a bit of his story, and how he came to the project that is this book: a childhood in a house full of domestic violence, which lead him through the years to find his inner peace and his hopes that we, his readers, can do the same.
He came to the conclusion that we adults who had survived the difficulties of domestic violence have an inner strength to tap into and use to grow and fulfill the potentials we had and which were stolen from us when we were children.
Chapter 2, Guilty to free, emphasizes on the role of action in order to free oneself from the guilty and/or shame we adults feel and have developed during our childhood in a domestic violent home environment.
Brian tells a bit more of his story - which I assume shall be further detailed slowly over the rest of the book so I won't have to repeat this, and from now on, at the end of every chapter, he recaps from the Lie, it's Why, the Truth about it, and offers small tasks to try in order to progress in the un-learning of the lie, and learning the new truths.
For chapter 2 is now over, I shall spend 15 minutes each day for 4 days, and write drafts of what I may or may not eventually share with you on this blog...
What I am sure off, however, is the necessity to share in order to better understand my past, and have an outside view of the issue at hand.
I would really appreciate, therefore, any exchange you can have with me, either here by login-in and posting a comment, or chatting with me through twitter or email - it'll be part of my own un-learning and re-learning process.
Chapter 3, Resentful to compassionate, tells how resentfulness can create a lot of bitterness and difficulties to progress in life as one wants to get even with a person who has harmed him or her. Although I agree that at certain cases, it's possible to go talk with that person, understand him or her, and forgive as an act of compassion, I disagree with it as a generalization.
I think that there are some actions and situations in which forgiveness shouldn't be towards a person who has done horrendous harm to us - some things aren't forgivable. But, what one must learn is to stop hating and seeking revenge - only justice if it's possible, and to forgive oneself if guilt has settled throughout the years.
We do have to learn compassion towards ourselves, in order to learn it towards others as well. But, my opinion about forgiveness towards a person who hurts us as an absolute step for healing, has been said in details.
Chapter 4, sad to grateful. The author uses the term sad for a wide variety of feelings, from mild sadness to severe depression. The sadness children in DV start to feel, and which can become lifelong struggles to feel anything else.
Through 2 examples, he brings up the importance of learning gratitude, seeing positive aspects in situations in order to escape the sadness or depression and un-learn the lies.
Chapter 5, Alone to trusting, about overcoming feeling alone, and learning to trust and connect with others.
Chapter 6, Angry to passionate, deals with the necessity to transform one's anger to passion, and in essence, not get burnt from angry emotions - and one has to understand it's roots.
Chapter 7, Hopeless to Guided - as children in DV homes cannot save their abused parent, children grow into the sensation that they cannot achieve anything an d tend to lack motivation (what good is there if hope is lost ? why bother even try?). Yet, once we learn that there are possibilities, we can achieve great things - only if we find a sense of purpose.
Chapter 8 is very important as it relates to one of the most difficult life-long lies many people are plagues with - especially those of us who have been in violent homes : Worthlessness, the feeling that we are worth less than others. This chapter is well titled Worthless to accomplished.
We must learn our value and our worth in spite of having experienced domestic violence, verbal abuse and notably berating.
Chapter 9, Fearful to confident puts th emphasis on un-learning the lie that we are fearful and not courageous, because we had survived the ordeal in witnessing violence between our parents and found ways to a relative sense of safety. This chapter uses the latest results in research, pertaining to the physical changes occurring in children's brains when faced with constant fear - as a tool to better understand the nature of this trauma that has been found just as potent as PTSD soldiers experience in battlefields.
The most important part to understand is that we have inner courage and strengths to use towards a goal - and prepare for them and act - thus building self-confidence we thought absent.
Chapter 10, self-conscious to attractive brings us to yet another pervasive lie many people learn in life, and which isn't limited to those who come from violent homes : the lie of being un-attractive, even ugly. For those who do come from DV homes, all 10 lies are more or less present and intertwined.
Self-awareness is a key element in unlearning all of these lies, this one in particular: one sometimes must step out of their own viewpoint and look at themselves as if they were another person, with a more objective vantage point. I reserve a place for a future post to discuss this issue more in-depth that I can here.
Chapter 11, Unloved to loving deals with the last ultimate lie that we must unlearn : that we are unloved, and unlovable. This is a lie that seems to plague our planet all around, not just those who have experienced a domestic violent home. However, the issue is compounded when one does witness DV, because the trauma of witnessing a parent hurt the other creates a sense of insecurity and the feeling that we are unloved by our parent/s and if they don't, who could?
Yet, the truth is that we can be loved, and love others - and once this truth emerges, we can unburden ourselves from all those emotions and feelings that we may have numbed out, or felt asked.
We can heal and love - and be loved. Just like people in the examples Brian Martin uses in this last chapter - including the conclusion to his own story that has been given in portions throughout this book.
He finishes with his wishes to us, his readers, salutes our courage for reading and expresses his thanks to those involved in his life and making this project possible.
I have read this book entirely, and shall return to each chapter's small exercises, to practice unlearning my lies further - towards healing, and will continue sharing my story as this is part of the process.
Thank you for listening/reading, and to Brian for his insights in this book.
In post 131 I discuss "worthless to accomplished" that low-self esteem aspect that is brought on by traumas experienced in DV.
I started reading this book yesterday- if you want to my first part, pertaining mostly to a summary of its content and my first impressions, read entry 119
This second part will be edited as I progressed in my reading, so you'll have to come back to it again.
Thus far, I only read the forward and preface, followed by Mr Martin's read me first - where he told of the importance of reading the book in order and not skip the chapters, as one leads to the next, and I read chapter 1, Undiscovered gifts.
There, the author tells a bit of his story, and how he came to the project that is this book: a childhood in a house full of domestic violence, which lead him through the years to find his inner peace and his hopes that we, his readers, can do the same.
He came to the conclusion that we adults who had survived the difficulties of domestic violence have an inner strength to tap into and use to grow and fulfill the potentials we had and which were stolen from us when we were children.
Chapter 2, Guilty to free, emphasizes on the role of action in order to free oneself from the guilty and/or shame we adults feel and have developed during our childhood in a domestic violent home environment.
Brian tells a bit more of his story - which I assume shall be further detailed slowly over the rest of the book so I won't have to repeat this, and from now on, at the end of every chapter, he recaps from the Lie, it's Why, the Truth about it, and offers small tasks to try in order to progress in the un-learning of the lie, and learning the new truths.
For chapter 2 is now over, I shall spend 15 minutes each day for 4 days, and write drafts of what I may or may not eventually share with you on this blog...
What I am sure off, however, is the necessity to share in order to better understand my past, and have an outside view of the issue at hand.
I would really appreciate, therefore, any exchange you can have with me, either here by login-in and posting a comment, or chatting with me through twitter or email - it'll be part of my own un-learning and re-learning process.
Chapter 3, Resentful to compassionate, tells how resentfulness can create a lot of bitterness and difficulties to progress in life as one wants to get even with a person who has harmed him or her. Although I agree that at certain cases, it's possible to go talk with that person, understand him or her, and forgive as an act of compassion, I disagree with it as a generalization.
I think that there are some actions and situations in which forgiveness shouldn't be towards a person who has done horrendous harm to us - some things aren't forgivable. But, what one must learn is to stop hating and seeking revenge - only justice if it's possible, and to forgive oneself if guilt has settled throughout the years.
We do have to learn compassion towards ourselves, in order to learn it towards others as well. But, my opinion about forgiveness towards a person who hurts us as an absolute step for healing, has been said in details.
Chapter 4, sad to grateful. The author uses the term sad for a wide variety of feelings, from mild sadness to severe depression. The sadness children in DV start to feel, and which can become lifelong struggles to feel anything else.
Through 2 examples, he brings up the importance of learning gratitude, seeing positive aspects in situations in order to escape the sadness or depression and un-learn the lies.
Chapter 5, Alone to trusting, about overcoming feeling alone, and learning to trust and connect with others.
Chapter 6, Angry to passionate, deals with the necessity to transform one's anger to passion, and in essence, not get burnt from angry emotions - and one has to understand it's roots.
Chapter 7, Hopeless to Guided - as children in DV homes cannot save their abused parent, children grow into the sensation that they cannot achieve anything an d tend to lack motivation (what good is there if hope is lost ? why bother even try?). Yet, once we learn that there are possibilities, we can achieve great things - only if we find a sense of purpose.
Chapter 8 is very important as it relates to one of the most difficult life-long lies many people are plagues with - especially those of us who have been in violent homes : Worthlessness, the feeling that we are worth less than others. This chapter is well titled Worthless to accomplished.
We must learn our value and our worth in spite of having experienced domestic violence, verbal abuse and notably berating.
Chapter 9, Fearful to confident puts th emphasis on un-learning the lie that we are fearful and not courageous, because we had survived the ordeal in witnessing violence between our parents and found ways to a relative sense of safety. This chapter uses the latest results in research, pertaining to the physical changes occurring in children's brains when faced with constant fear - as a tool to better understand the nature of this trauma that has been found just as potent as PTSD soldiers experience in battlefields.
The most important part to understand is that we have inner courage and strengths to use towards a goal - and prepare for them and act - thus building self-confidence we thought absent.
Chapter 10, self-conscious to attractive brings us to yet another pervasive lie many people learn in life, and which isn't limited to those who come from violent homes : the lie of being un-attractive, even ugly. For those who do come from DV homes, all 10 lies are more or less present and intertwined.
Self-awareness is a key element in unlearning all of these lies, this one in particular: one sometimes must step out of their own viewpoint and look at themselves as if they were another person, with a more objective vantage point. I reserve a place for a future post to discuss this issue more in-depth that I can here.
Chapter 11, Unloved to loving deals with the last ultimate lie that we must unlearn : that we are unloved, and unlovable. This is a lie that seems to plague our planet all around, not just those who have experienced a domestic violent home. However, the issue is compounded when one does witness DV, because the trauma of witnessing a parent hurt the other creates a sense of insecurity and the feeling that we are unloved by our parent/s and if they don't, who could?
Yet, the truth is that we can be loved, and love others - and once this truth emerges, we can unburden ourselves from all those emotions and feelings that we may have numbed out, or felt asked.
We can heal and love - and be loved. Just like people in the examples Brian Martin uses in this last chapter - including the conclusion to his own story that has been given in portions throughout this book.
He finishes with his wishes to us, his readers, salutes our courage for reading and expresses his thanks to those involved in his life and making this project possible.
I have read this book entirely, and shall return to each chapter's small exercises, to practice unlearning my lies further - towards healing, and will continue sharing my story as this is part of the process.
Thank you for listening/reading, and to Brian for his insights in this book.
In post 131 I discuss "worthless to accomplished" that low-self esteem aspect that is brought on by traumas experienced in DV.
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