131- ''Worthless to accomplished''

I have been reading Brian F. Martin's InVincible, a book about surviving domestic violence, un-learning all the lies that we had learned during our youth, and learning new truths to set us free-er from all limitations we have set for ourselves as we grew up with the lies. 
It's chapter 8 gives the title to this blog entry, hence the quotes. 

I haven't discussed much my low self-esteem issues which is quite odd, because it's one of the worst long-lasting effects of my upbringing in my father's religious cult and having been constantly put down and berated by him, as well as my my step-mother. 



Indeed, rebuilding my self-confidence and worthiness has been a tremendous challenge and now that I read this is a normal result growing up in a violent home, it totally makes sense - just as much as the aforementioned upbringing. 

Hearing two parents tell you that you are a good for nothing, that you cannot even achieve the most basic tasks such as folding laundry or properly washing the dishes have created a lie that I find really difficult to shake and dislodge because it's quite deeply ingrained within me. 

I have to remember to stop thinking negatively - to stop expecting the worst outcomes in situations and be more proactive in un-learning this insidious lie. 
I must expel it, get rid of it in such a way that it won't hinder my progress in life and so I can finally get out of my homemade prison - that prison of the mind where I have to change the set of rules of ''can't do because I'm worthless'' to ''I can do, because I am worthy''. 

I have to remember that I have experienced some positive achievements in life ever since I left that cult and came back to my home country after a long absence :
I have built friendships, met a loving woman and got married with her. 
I have held a few jobs, during which I could expand knowledge and self-worth through personal successes. I must recall this is possible for me and to set realistic goals - and avoid the negative excess of disbelieving my capacities.

I need to un-learn the lies, and change my mind sets. I need to view myself as a survivor who learned a lot, instead of only a victim, because that latter status doesn't lift me up as it was a first step in my healing process - just not the last. 

Healing is possible. 
Learning to develop a better self-image starts with the firm belief that I CAN do something, and to set my mind to it. 

If you have experienced anything that reduced your own self-confidence, know that you also can regain it - even though it's not always easy and that we sometimes must make due without parental or societal approval. 

We owe it to ourselves to get better, to work on our healing - so we don't let our victimizers win over us ever again. 

We can do it!