124- Post traumatic growth

(note : I made the image above from a drawing my wife made). 

Today, I'm going to discuss Post-Traumatic Growth, a term I was reminded off some time ago as I researched trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder (in short, PTSD). 

This term, Post-Traumatic Growth, refers to positive psychological changes people who have suffered from trauma can experience and achieve after adverse, challenging traumatic experiences. (you can read more just about anywhere, here's for ex wiki's article)

Many people who have suffered managed to learn how to better cope, adapted to the stresses and found new ways to relate to the world as they positively changed their mindset and approach to their environment and trauma. 

This means that in the future, traumas can have much lesser impact ; it's possible to recover faster than before, and find positive outlets - such as self expression through art, writing, or becoming an activist - to name but a few ways. 



My growth hasn't totally occurred as of yet.
Indeed, I still suffer from my complex post-traumatic stress and various other mental illnesses such as anxieties, social phobia, and many other phobias. 

I was quite aware of many of these issues for years, but had let them govern my life, by avoiding living life to the fullest. 

Over the years, I had many opportunities and I worked slowly to rebuild myself from the inside out, but never quite ''got it''. There were still many issues, and I think that my various traumas were just too big for me to deal with at the moment. 

Just over 2 years ago, after I had to refuse yet another invitation - this time to a close friend's 50th birthday party, I became even more aware that my traumas, anxieties and avoiding all situations came with a price I was no longer willing to pay.

With this realization came a life-changing decision : I had to find a way to get better, because I felt my anxieties growing so much that I knew that if I did nothing, I'd end up alone, after alienating everyone.
The fear of losing touch and ending alone resulted in emotional and mental fatigue - that I think actually qualified for a sort of melt down, even though that remains un-diagnosed and to be proven.

Either case, I was left quite fatigued and mentally drained.

I became quite obsessed with searching for all the tools, ideas and tips to get better, and improve my mental health. I just couldn't let it all go on...

I spoke with my therapist who got me into my CBT. I started listening to vlogs, reading articles and psychology books. 

I created this blog, and recently went back to my art. 

These are my first steps towards post-traumatic growth : I am working on this goal, with several smaller, more realistic and achievable goals. 

Composing my entries here in a stream of consciousness have been quite cathartic - though effects aren't huge, they are here. 

They show in progress I made with my second CBT, which I started 11 weeks ago. Such progress that I could travel this summer (twice to Paris!!!), and discuss my mental health more openly with friends and some wonderful  people  that I met in the mental health community on youtube and twitter. People who give their time and energy to discuss topics others won't, and we mutually support one another in days of crisis and difficulties, and can talk on other easier days more freely. 

I am striving towards this growth and self-accomplishment, because, frankly, I'm too tired of my various issues which poisoned and reduced my life joys - though I had quite a few, I still am blocked from others. 

I believe that healing IS possible - just like post-traumatic growth. I just have to be patient as things don't happen overnight and I have to work hard.

I appreciate all the help and support I've been getting - even if sometimes I don't express it to the fullest.