395- CBT4Emeto 8-13

It has been a very long time since I last posted about my CBT4Emeto.  I didn't want to repeat myself as often, as my tasks were identitcal for quite a while, and my progress really slow. 


Sessions since last blog entry  (overall #) (sesh for emet) (date) : 

(32) (8) 4 September 2018
(33) (9) 27 September
(34) (10) 19 November
(35) (11) 4 December
(36) (12) 18 December
(37) (13) today 8 January 2019 

As usual, due to the topic, I'm raising a trigger warning starting now

So, since before August, they were : 

1. Using gloves to clean hairs out of tubs and sinks 
2. To reduce my avoidance of garbage/ waste containers in the streets, which include dogs' #2's and even though am allowed, for this task, to keep my distance, I have to avoid avoiding them as I have been till now. This avoidance have been usually changing sidewalks or, if impossible, to walk past these triggers very fast. I now have to learn to slow down and when possible, not to cross the street. 
3. Increasing my capacity to sort dirty laundry - far away from meal times, but not to ask my wife to do them. 

They remained the same for several sessions, but in early September (CBT 32, or CBT4Emeto 8th session), these tasks were changed a bit.

1. Using gloves to clean hairs out of tubs and sinks 
2. To reduce my avoidance of garbage/ waste containers in the streets, which include dogs' #2's and even though am allowed, for this task, to keep my distance, I have to avoid avoiding them as I have been till now. This avoidance have been usually changing sidewalks or, if impossible, to walk past these triggers very fast. I now have to learn to slow down and when possible, not to cross the street. 
3. Additionally to increading my capacity to sort dirty laundry, I was to reduce gaps, to about  once every 48 hours. 
4. Dishwashing : reducing gap between mealtime and washing ; when possible, washing slightly dirty dishes earlier, such as mugs and bowls. 
5. To continue taking my eyeglasses during slightly graphic and bloody scenes while watching movies. Not managing this viewing just like that, I found that it's easier to also squint, something I've been trying my best to do ever since.

During these long months, I managed moderate progress :

• I managed to either avoid less often various garbage containers outside, or at least, walking less faraway from them when I didn't feel compfortable in walking right in front. I still don't manage to throw our own garbage without huge delays after meals, and prefer to do so before starting. 
• I reduced some of the delays between meal times and dish washing, but didn't often have the opportunity to wash only slightly dirty ones outside of these moments. I tend to wash all or most. Sometimes, however, I get so badly triggered, that I have to take multiple breaks. 
• I didn't manage to systematically take my eyes off and squint while watching some scenes, but managed quite a few. 

There is now a further change in my tasks. 

1. Since even in speciality stores, I couldn't find dishwashing gloves in my hand size, I had to give up on this 1st task as set months ago. So, instead, I have to reduce the layers of paper towel that I used to clean sink's filter grids. One of the toughest things for me to do in general!

2. Continue task 2 (reduce my avoidance of garbage/ waste containers in the streets)

3. Continue laundry sorting as seen above. 

4. Further reduce delays between meals and diswashing

5. Continue taking my eyeglasses off and squint, whenever possible. This won't be easy now that we're over the very few graphic/bloody scenes watching Babylon 5 and that we'll restart Star Trek the next generation which doesn't tend to have much of anything triggery in that sense. But, it's 2019, the year Blade Runner's (fictional) events occur. My wife wants to see this again, and me too, so, if possible, once coordinating a sign she can let me know of such moments, I'll apply this method to this movie and a couple while watching Lord of the Rings in the cinema in just over a week. 

Another aspect for this 5th task shall be in an upcoming bloodwork. I suggested that I try appling it in that instance too, insead of my usual wall-staring... I doubt it'll be easy, but if I manage even a few seconds to squint in that moment, I'll be happy for a success. 

Next session (38 overall, 14 for emeto) is on 5 February.