487 - Poetic Bubble - Simple pebble

The subject of the poetic bubble 7 February  2024 was voted  between

What do you know about nature?

what are your territories?

What conversation do you have with a simple pebble?

Chosen theme:

What conversation do you have with a simple stone ?

I'm walking on flat ground when my boot hits a simple stone.

This amalgamation of atoms catches my attention, so I take a towel out of my satchel

and once placed on the ground, I sit down to get closer to it. To begin with,

I observe it, to study its contours, the shape is a little oval, and its color, methinks completely

normal for a miniature-sized rock: whiteness appears in my eyes.

As the sun emerges from its hiding place behind a cloud, the stone changes to mahogany colo-rati-on.

I lift it up to study its contours when I hear a small murmur closely.

I look right, left, up, down, nothing. A second murmur. My heart's palpitating,

I look around again, when suddenly I hear a bit of word in the air ''...ling'

...Trembling? Ah, strangle! Who, what ? ''look at your hand''! But, it's wonderful!

I see a face forming in the stone, it speaks to me! ''You were talking to me, weren't you? I'm not dreaming...''

''Yes, since earlier I wanted to tell you that you were strangling me with your hands! ''

''I'm really sorry, little rock, I just wanted to see you up close, and wasn't going to

I don't realize that I was holding a creature there who spoke with such a delicate voice.

***

The direct translation from French lacked rhyming, and adapting stomped me on every turn. Francophone readers can check my original text here, and for everyone else, and for sake of commentary/comparison, I share the direct translation : 

I'm walking on flat ground when my boot hits a simple stone.

This amalgamation of atoms catches my attention, so I take a napkin out of my bag,

and once placed on the ground, I sit down to get closer to it. To begin with,

I observe it, to study its contours, the shape is a little oval, and its color seems to me

completely normal for a miniature-sized rock: whiteness appears in my eyes.

As the sun emerges from its hiding place behind a cloud, the pebble changes to a mahogany color.

I lift it up to study its contours when I hear a small murmur nearby.

I look right, left, up, down, nothing. A second murmur. My heart is agitated,

I look around again, when suddenly I hear a bit of word in the air ''...amble

...Trembling? Ah, strangle! Who, what ? ''look at your hand''! But then, it's wonderful!

I see a face forming in the stone, it speaks to me! ''You were talking to me, weren't you? I'm not dreaming...''

''Yes, since earlier I wanted to tell you that you were strangling me with your hands! ''

''I'm really sorry, little rock, I just wanted to see you up close, and wasn't going to

I don't realize that I was holding a creature there who spoke with such a delicate voice.

***

Actually, the translation for murmur was whisper, but I chose to use the same word I had in French. 

My heart is agitated can also be said my heart is getting agitated, for even closer meaning to s'agittant, but it felt somehow heavier. For the final adaptation, however, I moved the rhyme to 

My heart's palpitating, 

                 air ''...ling'

 

That line also replaced the original rhymes between 

et sa couleur me semble

 j'entends un bout de mot dans l'air ''..amble

From direct 

its color seems to me  /

 I hear a bit of word in the air ''...amble"

But then, it's wonderful! is the closest direct translation for mais alors c'est merveilleux ; I chose to delete the "then" because "mais alors" in my composition wasn't about a "subsequent" but an astonishment. 

Caillou rhymed with (couleur) acajou. This was impossible to adapt without a forced added word or two, which would've made me re-write the French text. I decided that in order to keep those two lines with one another, I had to be somewhat creative, not altering the overall meaning. So for stone, I change the mahoganoy color, to mahogany colo-rati-on, forcing its pronunciation to stress on the ending, ON, like in stONE.