482 - An Ode to Birds

This poem was born during a "poetic bubble" (bulle poétique) at LucieBulle's stream, whose prompt was: what do the birds tell you?

In the allotted half hour, I composed the first Francophone version, which was not yet titled, and managed to rhyme only the first half of the poem; following which I decided to add rhymes in the second half, and the title suggested by Lucie herself, giving the second version.

This time I won't rewrite following the English translation, which is a third version of the poem - translated and adapted, as French is a gendered language, which is not the case with English. 

After you read the poem, I'll share the few differences between the original French and the resulting adaptation. You can read the two French versions there. 

An Ode to Birds – V3, based on my French Ode aux Oiseaux, V2, but highly adapted

What majesty to fly so high in the air, I am hypnotized!

You flap your wings in unison, troops so harmonized!

I count you, Storks, but there are so many of you high up!

Your troops fill the skies.

My binoculars certainly bring your image closer to my eyes,

but do not help distinguish your individuals; once more, I add you up.

You know what ? Storks? You are not alone; unescorted

to sail there, above my head, dancing before each eye in flocks;

so many birds of prey passed by, these buzzards, falcons, hawks,

using hot air currents, without even getting fitted;

Talents defying our planet's gravity, this is queer!

Oh, You expressed so much majesty and patience, real freedoms! It's clear!

You offered me whole hours of acrobatic shows in formation,

but also rebellious sparks, with initiatory ramification.

And when you weren't birds flying high,

other times you were owls, blinking each appraising eye,

turning your heads, not getting a stiff neck, what magic, what amazement!

Your curiosity about my presence didn't scare you in any guessed percent.

Did you know that I meant no harm and admired you without approaching,

while you were on tree trunks and branches, or on those rocks, always perching?

Ah, but you, songbirds, offered music, without impurity;

melodious songs, asking for no other return than safety!

If only humans could your example pursue,

not monetizing every moment, and thus live anew!

Thank you to every bird, small, large, flying or not,

for the many moments in your company,

especially during recess,

playing so rarely with friends, most often far from their business,

or even when I skipped classes – a mea-culpa this is naught

And this during such an adult, lonely and sad youth!

**** 

And now, a comparison

in the French V2 you can read - what they'd normally mean - and what I chose for the English version of the poem

1st strophe changes  

Je vous compte, mais vous êtes tellement nombreux

ou alors, êtes- vous nombreuses, là haut, les Cigognes ?

Mes jumelles rapprochent certes votre image à mes yeux

mais n'aident pas à distinguer vos genres ; encore, je vous additionne

Which would roughly mean

I count you, but there are so many of you (male word in French)

Or are there many of you (female word in French) Storks up there?

My binoculars certainly bring your image closer to my eyes

but do not help to distinguish your genders; again, I add you up 

Since English doesn't differentiate the words, I changed this passage to 

I count you, Storks, but there are so many of you high up!

Your troops fill the skies

My binoculars certainly bring your image closer to my eyes

but do not help distinguish your individuals; once more, I add you up

2nd strophe changes  

Vous savez quoi ? Cigognes ? Vous n'êtes pas seul/e/s 

à voguer là, au-dessus de ma tête, dansant devant chaque oeil

tellement de rapaces passèrent, ces buses,  faucons, éperviers, 

à user les courants d'air chauds, sans même vous appareiller! 

Des talents défiant la gravitation de notre planète!

Que vous exprimiez tant de majesté et patience, de réelles libertés ! s'en est net!

would mean (* alone = masculine and feminine endings in French)

You know what ? Storks? You are not alone*

to sail there, above my head, dancing before every eye

so many birds of prey passed by, these buzzards, falcons, hawks,

to use hot air currents, without even putting on any equipment!

Talents defying the gravity of our planet!

Oh, you expressed so much majesty and patience, real freedoms! is clear!

Instead, I chose add a few words, for better rhyming and rhythm - with queer used in the meaning of odd

You know what ? Storks? You are not alone; unescorted

to sail there, above my head, dancing before each eye in flocks;

so many birds of prey passed, these buzzards, falcons, hawks,

using hot air currents, without even getting fitted

Talents defying our planet's gravity, this is queer!

Oh, You expressed so much majesty and patience, real freedoms! It's clear! 

3rd strophe changes  

Vous m'aviez offert des heures entières de spectacles acrobatiques

mais aussi des étincelles rebelles, aux effets initiatiques 

would mean

You offered me whole hours of acrobatic shows

but also rebellious sparks, with initiatory effects

I remained close to this meaning, changing to 

You offered me whole hours of acrobatic shows in formation

but also rebellious sparks, with initiatory ramification

4th strophe changes  

Et quand vous n'étiez pas des oiseaux volant en hauteurs

vous êtiez d'autres fois des hiboux, clignant vos yeux évaluateurs, 

tournant vos têtes sans avoir de torticolis, quelle magie ! quelle stupeur !

Votre curiosité de ma présence ne vous as pas fait peur

Saviez-vous que je ne voulais aucun mal et vous admirais sans vous approcher,

alors que vous étiez perchés sur les troncs et branches d'arbres ? Ou ces rochers ?

would mean

And when you weren't birds flying high

other times you were owls, blinking your appraising eyes,

turning your heads without having a stiff neck, what magic! what amazement!

Your curiosity about my presence did not scare you

Did you know that I meant no harm and admired you without approaching you,

while you were perched on the trunks and branches of trees? Or these rocks?

The result is as follows - note the shortened 2nd & 5th lines and reversed wording in the 6th. I admit amazement& percent aren't too close in rhyming, but make more sense

And when you weren't birds flying high

other times you were owls, blinking each appraising eye,

turning your heads, not getting a stiff neck, what magic, what amazement!

Your curiosity about my presence didn't scare you in any guessed percent;

Did you know that I meant no harm and admired you without approaching,

while you were on tree trunks and branches, or on those rocks, always perching?

5th strophe changes  

Ah, mais vous, oiseaux chanteurs, vous offriez de la musique, sans impuretés 

des chants mélodieux, sans demander autre retour que la sûreté !

Si seulement les humains pouvaient prendre votre exemple à suivre

et ne pas monétiser chaque instant, pour ainsi mieux vivre

would mean

Ah, but you, songbirds, offered you music, without impurities

melodious songs, without asking for any other return than safety!

If only humans could take your example to follow

and not monetize every moment, in order to live better

I chose to change impurities to singular, to rhyme it with safety ; follow changed to synonymous pursue, and live better, for live anew, keeping the initial meanings but getting rhymes in

Ah, but you, songbirds, offered music, without impurity

melodious songs, asking for no other return than safety!

If only humans could your example pursue

not monetizing every moment, and thus live anew!

6th strophe changes  

Merci à chaque oiseau, petit, grand, volant ou pas, 

pour les nombreux moments en votre compagnie, surtout en recrées,

jouant si rarement avec les camarades, le plus souvent loin de leur carré.

Ou encore lorsque je séchas des cours – ceci n'est nullement mea-culpa

Et ce durant une jeunesse si adulte, esseulée et triste !

would mean

Thank you to each bird, small, large, flying or not,

for the many moments in your company, especially during recreation,

playing so rarely with friends, most often far from their square.

Or even when I skipped classes – this is in no way mea-culpa

And this during such an adult, lonely and sad youth!

the changes bring these lines instead

Thank you to every bird, small, large, flying or not,

for the many moments in your company

especially during recess,

playing so rarely with friends, most often far from their business.

or even when I skipped classes – a mea-culpa this is naught

And this during such an adult, lonely and sad youth!

Notes about this 6th, last strophe : 

in French, Recré is either recreation, or, since am talking about school, it's the final chosen word, recess.

My original far from their square, le carré, is just an image, away from them, the square made up by my classmates, so I used a similar image, far from their business, though it's not as ... strong in its angular implications that I simply didn't feel that I fit in. 

Line 4 in French finished in mea-culpa, as it rhymed with the "ou pas", which means "or not". 

To keep all 3 - mea culpa, the overall meaning, AND a rhyme, I swapped the other to finish with  a mea-culpa this is naught 

which I hope keeps as much of the original French phrasing "ceci n'est nullement" = this is in NO WAY a mea-culpa.