442- Antidepressants on hold

As posted on social media, yesterday marked the end of an era, began in February of this year. Brace yourself for a slightly longer read than there, with a trigger warning of content I didn't mention.

Indeed, after worsened struggles with depression and many years refusing to take any meds, trying to beat it by myself, therapy and support network, I'd arrived, in February, to the crossroad of my depression and asked my therapist to help me with medication.

This was it, paroxétine, an ssri, which took me a long time to get used to... I was prescribed half a pill every morning.

This summer, my depression worsened even more, probably because of covid lockdown and a few other difficult events this year, so after asking, my therapist doubled my dosage to full pill, every other day, to reduce problems with digestion...

These events included the suicide of a friend back in February, merely days after starting my treatment ; the passing of our hamster in March, hours before the first lockdown started here, in France.

I ended up taking the full dose every 3 or 4 days (depending on how busy I was, not wishing the side effects to hit me when out and about).  These side effects included chest pains (probably gas buildup in my stomach), indigestion, feeling groggy/drowsiness, even falling asleep for hours at a time, difficulties with memory and concentration, sleep disturbances, odd dreams (which I'll admit are better than my cptsd related nightmares), and, I suspect, some of my facial skin rashes may also be linked to this increased dosage.

After an initial improvement, the side effects worsened and I couldn't deal with them anymore.  A phone call to the therapist, he suggested I reduce to half pill again, every other day for a week and to stop the treatment until our next session in January.

Yesterday was the day, taking the last half pill (seen in the photo), until that session, taking notes of any effects to report to him. 

The goal of this is to see if what I experienced are indeed side effects of this medication, or, if they still occur in more than 2 weeks now that I stopped it, to investigate other causes. Either way, what I report to him on our next session will determine if I resume this, or start another antidepressant. 

For the moment, I've been experiencing brain zaps, which are apparently a common side effect of withdrawal post-ssri, whilst the brain and body readjust... They're painful but at least not as frequent as the first day of my treatment reduction... 

The fact some of my skin irritations and rashes seem to have reduced could indicate my suspicions about them were right, but only time will tell. 

I cannot say that my memory or concentration improved yet, but it might be either too early, or also related to my vitamin deficiencies - meaning that they may improve only once my levels reach normal, thanks to my prescribed supplements. 

I forgot to mention that another side effect consists in reduced vision at faster pace than anticipated - actually noticed since March, only a month after I'd started my initial treatment, and, according to both a friend and research I did about the subject, it does seem that antidepressants can cause this. I do feel my main glasses, which are bifocals, aren't enough for many tasks, though the reading glasses still seem fine.  I doubt, however, that my vision can restore itself even once this treatment is stopped and not replaced by anything, but I'll enquire about it if it turns out that I don't take anything else for a while. 

To be continued...