428- CBT4Emeto - 32

It has been a over two months since I last posted about my CBT4Emeto sessions, so today I correct this oversight with session 32, from 17/02/2020, the last to date, due to covid19's postponement of my sessions until further notice.

Henceforth, my habitual trigger warnings are reiterated.       



A reminder of our exposure task numbers : 

2 - further reducing my avoidance of garbage in the streets, by walking no more than a meter away. 
3- sorting laundry 
4- washing dishes and concentrating, when I can, on the way the dishes are made, not about their dirt. 
5- to take my glasses off and to squint for bloody scenes on TV. 
6- fewer layers of paper towel when cleaning the sink. 
7- Constricting the neck : depending on the season, and during daytime, I have to avoid using my wide collared tshirts, shirts, and wear narrower collared ones instead ; or, I have to use a scarf, for the same purpose of creating the sensation of constriction, for as long as I can. 
At night, I'm still allowed to use my wide collars.
8-when I feel hair getting caught in my mouth, I have to wait 30 to 60 seconds, BEFORE removal., so I can get used to that feeling and, in time, not be triggered by it. (this task was added on session 30)

For the first month after this session and before lockdown due to covid19 pandemic, I had concentrated on tasks 2, 5, 7 and 8 wherever possible, with noticeable progress in regards to my ability to use 5's habits of the past few months, and finding myself, during re-watching of the last couple seasons of NYPD Blue, that I didn't always take my glasses off, and just squint for quite a few bloody scenes, and even very few where I managed watching WITHOUT either squinting or taking the glasses off - and without avoidance either, off course.

We finished the show and experienced a couple difficult personal life events at about the same time ; I didn't feel ready to continue watching anything truly serious and thus, we have been watching mainly sitcoms, with occasional movies between their episodes. These sitcoms from the 1980s and 90's have no blood, but do tend to have a lot of jokes that trigger my emet, so I had to shift my exposure to these particular jokes - thus far with very very mild success, and feeling uneasy most of the time, sometimes also queasy.

Due to this regular trigger and queasiness, I haven't been able, yet, to wear my turtle-necks indoors as part of task 7, so since it's still April which tends to have cold days, I'll try my best to do it before such opportunities vanish at the arrival of May and warm days. 

With the arrival of spring- fewer cold days, I don't get to wear scarves anymore, and due to covid19 lockdown, most of my outdoor exposures have been halted, as I barely go out to the supermarket once or maximum twice a week, and short walks around the block, two or three times a week. I seldom encounter any garbage, with which I had made substantial progress in the weeks before lockdown. 

Ever since, I have mainly been concentrating on cleaning with one paper-towel layer at a time,  be it for the sinks or as part of my spring cleaning, whenever possible. This is task 6 that I merely expanded.

A few weeks ago, I'd accepted my wife's suggestion to trim my long hair that was becoming uneven in colour - I've been greying a lot but the older strands were still black and it started to look odd. So, my hair being shorter, task 8 might be automatically cancelled for a while - not that I'd actually managed to do it more than a handful of times!

I've taken also to sort, wash and hang laundry more frequently, sorting and choosing every day or two for a while, though at times, my wife took over. This is task 3.

As mentioned several times, last month France's lockdown due to covid19 pandemic have postponed my CBT4Emeto 33 that had been scheduled for 16/03, the first day of lockdown. I hadn't gone and called to cancel it myself, as my CBtherapist is head of psych department in the very hospital they diagnose and treat covid's patients - in a different part of the building,but still sharing the same main entry, and I felt this would be unnecessary risk. 

As lockdown had been extended, I made phone calls about my various medical appointments and in regards to CBT, it is now postponed until further notice, at least in person. My therapist said that if I have an emergency, she can give me a phone consultation and wished me well until we talk or meet again - and I did the same, as I know she's swamped in her service at the moment, as severe psychiatry cases are part of her department. 

For the time being, I'll continue the revised exposures as best possible, and resume them in their initial forms later on - the blood ones when I'm ready to face more mature content than silly jokes in sitcoms, and the others whenever I have an opportunity.

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