414- Struggles and advice request

My GAD, chronic depression and emeto have been worsening over the past few months - despite moderate progress in cbt for the latter.

Almost anything, even innocuous but especially administrative difficulties &prospects of financial strife, trigger my anxiety (which triggers my emet), and my depression.

The last few days, these struggles have come to to a further increase of instability, my general mood colapsing on itself and finding myself locked in a spiral of depression.

My moods are erratic, usually somewhere between down below decks in my depression, and anger at my experiences that led me to these struggles, and frustration at my own inabilities. I have come to a conclusion that my brain is handicapped by my many cptsd's and all the

co-morbidities I have been going through lately.

I probably seemed distant to you, whilst other times very chatty and seemed fine. I haven’t been really fine in a very long time.

My wife suggested that I look into a possible antidepressant treatment, which I had previously refused, due to several reasons, including ethical ones as meds are tests on animals in France, with probabilities of animal ingredients in the pills, and personal, fearing addiction to the treatment, side-effects and having to use it for the rest of my life.

Now, I have to consider this. The quality of my psychological life has dwindled and I fear the struggles are only going to grow exponentially in my middle-age years.

So, in the next few days, I’m going to have to rely on the French medical database website, looking at all the possibilities of antidepressants, their ingredients, their side-effects, their addictability.

I see my psychotherapist in mid-September. By then, I hope to have answers and may ask his advice and a possible prescription.

So, if anyone has suggestions on possibilities, I could cross-reference them to find out if they exist here, and all the other information (ingredients etc).

Also, I wonder, for those who have had antidepressant treatment, I have quite a few questions and concerns : 

• How long does it to take effect? 
• Are you able to enjoy meeting friends or are you just flat-out with no emotions? 
• Do they tend to trigger emetophobia ? 
• Do all of them risk hightened suicidal tendencies ? (I already struggle with this so much)
• Do all or only some have the risks about weight gain ? (I'd be around 44 when I'd start... my metabolism slowed down some years ago and it'd be tough for me to workout and I never go to gyms - too poor for that, and too much anxieties ) 
• Are diabetic risks also everywhere ? 

Any others I need to be aware of ? 

Also, my wife’s cousin invited us to London for late October, and I fear if I start the treatment in mid-September, that 6-7 weeks later, I may not be good company and might want to postpone it for after our return...what do you think ? 

Lastly, in view of the risks, for the time being, I may have to use my anti-anxiety med more frequently and see how that goes. Indeed, anxious situations have often exacerbated and sometimes caused my additional struggles with my already existing depression. It has been systmatic when it comes to administrative issues. So, if I take that, as my wife said, it may reduce the dips in depression... But, as I said, I do need advice, so any is welcome, please comment or contact me on twitter or Facebook, wherever you know me. Thank you.