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Yesterday, only a month since the previous session, I pursued my CBT4Emeto with a 14h session, or 38th overall with my current CBtherapist.
As always, in view of content and how emet can trigger people who suffer from it, trigger warnings apply.
My tasks since last month were:
1. To reduce the layers of paper towel that I used to clean sink's filter grids. One of the toughest things for me to do in general!
2. Continue task 2 (reduce my avoidance of garbage/ waste containers in the streets)
3. Continue laundry sorting every couple of days.
4. Further reduce delays between meals and diswashing. Concentrating, if I could, on my feet during washing.
5. Continue taking my eyeglasses off and squint, whenever possible, for my blood phobia.
I managed to reduce by one layer of paper towel (task 1) in order to clean the sink filter grids. I do so more frequently, so I don't have to deal with as much gunk.
Despite many outings, reducing avoidance (task 2) hasn't been easy to implement, because, partially, those outings have been in different hours, when waste containers weren't there anymore. On the occasions that they were, however, I managed some of this task, but not well enough. Both tasks 1 and 2 consist of very difficult levels and highly triggering causes for my phobias.
My wife had taken over most of the laundry (task 3), because we were a bit late in dealing with it, and also, because I was out so often. This tasks is to be done again, for the next 3 and half weeks till session 15.
I did manage to reduce the delays between meals and dishwashing (task 4) on a regular basis, though it's still an effort and not a second nature as of yet. I systematically forgot to concentrate on my feet during dishwashing.
We've been rewatching Star Trek the Next generation (=TNG) and thus, there weren't many occasions for me to squint in view of on-screen blood, because it's not a very graphic show.
I was to implement this technique (taking my glasses off, squinting, and contracting my wrist muscles) not only when viewing on-screen blood but also for my B12 bood-work.
Snow and other external elements delayed me in doing so, but I managed at last to apply these tools on 4 February, the day before my CBT.
I'd taken my glasses off, and whilst the phlebotomist/nurse/ lab technician was inserting the needle and asked me if I was ok with such tests, I was looking the other way. By the time I turned with my squinted eyes, I managed to see the second half of the tube filling with my blood, and I didn't faint. Contracting the muscles and seing it blurry really helped, and was a massive achievement for me.
Indeed, the last time I actually saw my blood in such a fashion was over 25 years ago, and ever since, even a little bit of accidentally seing it, or having to deal with wounds and band-aids, had met with my blood pressure dropping and me becoming faint. So, again, this is my biggest achievement with this CBT4Emeto - and I'll remind here that my emet includes 3 other phobias, including hemophobia, that of blood.
My next session is on 1st of March. Until then, I have to continue each of these exposure tasks, until they stabilize, before I can try next levels. As we're still on TNG, the occasions for the squint set of tools for blood won't be very frequent, but, since my wife has been in the mood to re-watch Blade Runner, a movie I tried before but had to watch most of it behind my knees as it was too bloody for me. So, if we manage watching it this month (the story is set in 2019, so it's time to do so, soon), then that will be my on-screen application of this task, whilst for any accidental wound or nose-bleed, I'll have to implement this task as well, and not treat it immediatly for light bleeding, but off course, not to wait if needed.
As for task 4 about dishes, since I've been rather listening to music and forgetting to concentrate on my feet, I'm to try this time to concentrate on the materials or making of the dishes thesemvles, whilst washing - not to think on the dirt I'm washing but on something that is related to the dishes, nonetheless.
CBT isn't easy. But, exposures are gradual, and with time, I do see some improvements- they were quite good in the case of my social phobia, but since my complex emetophobia is far worse and difficult to deal with, the progress is slower. Still, it's worth working on it and being accompanied by a therapist I trust and have a previous rapport with have been positive aspects of this progress.
Another, last point, having watched Kati Morton's videos (she's an LA-based therapist, who runs this channel, very informative), I can add that since there is neural plasticity, we can retrain our brains to improve and heal, even after years of suffering from trauma, and hence, by extension, from phobias.
(845 words)
I managed to reduce by one layer of paper towel (task 1) in order to clean the sink filter grids. I do so more frequently, so I don't have to deal with as much gunk.
Despite many outings, reducing avoidance (task 2) hasn't been easy to implement, because, partially, those outings have been in different hours, when waste containers weren't there anymore. On the occasions that they were, however, I managed some of this task, but not well enough. Both tasks 1 and 2 consist of very difficult levels and highly triggering causes for my phobias.
My wife had taken over most of the laundry (task 3), because we were a bit late in dealing with it, and also, because I was out so often. This tasks is to be done again, for the next 3 and half weeks till session 15.
I did manage to reduce the delays between meals and dishwashing (task 4) on a regular basis, though it's still an effort and not a second nature as of yet. I systematically forgot to concentrate on my feet during dishwashing.
We've been rewatching Star Trek the Next generation (=TNG) and thus, there weren't many occasions for me to squint in view of on-screen blood, because it's not a very graphic show.
I was to implement this technique (taking my glasses off, squinting, and contracting my wrist muscles) not only when viewing on-screen blood but also for my B12 bood-work.
Snow and other external elements delayed me in doing so, but I managed at last to apply these tools on 4 February, the day before my CBT.
I'd taken my glasses off, and whilst the phlebotomist/nurse/ lab technician was inserting the needle and asked me if I was ok with such tests, I was looking the other way. By the time I turned with my squinted eyes, I managed to see the second half of the tube filling with my blood, and I didn't faint. Contracting the muscles and seing it blurry really helped, and was a massive achievement for me.
Indeed, the last time I actually saw my blood in such a fashion was over 25 years ago, and ever since, even a little bit of accidentally seing it, or having to deal with wounds and band-aids, had met with my blood pressure dropping and me becoming faint. So, again, this is my biggest achievement with this CBT4Emeto - and I'll remind here that my emet includes 3 other phobias, including hemophobia, that of blood.
My next session is on 1st of March. Until then, I have to continue each of these exposure tasks, until they stabilize, before I can try next levels. As we're still on TNG, the occasions for the squint set of tools for blood won't be very frequent, but, since my wife has been in the mood to re-watch Blade Runner, a movie I tried before but had to watch most of it behind my knees as it was too bloody for me. So, if we manage watching it this month (the story is set in 2019, so it's time to do so, soon), then that will be my on-screen application of this task, whilst for any accidental wound or nose-bleed, I'll have to implement this task as well, and not treat it immediatly for light bleeding, but off course, not to wait if needed.
As for task 4 about dishes, since I've been rather listening to music and forgetting to concentrate on my feet, I'm to try this time to concentrate on the materials or making of the dishes thesemvles, whilst washing - not to think on the dirt I'm washing but on something that is related to the dishes, nonetheless.
CBT isn't easy. But, exposures are gradual, and with time, I do see some improvements- they were quite good in the case of my social phobia, but since my complex emetophobia is far worse and difficult to deal with, the progress is slower. Still, it's worth working on it and being accompanied by a therapist I trust and have a previous rapport with have been positive aspects of this progress.
Another, last point, having watched Kati Morton's videos (she's an LA-based therapist, who runs this channel, very informative), I can add that since there is neural plasticity, we can retrain our brains to improve and heal, even after years of suffering from trauma, and hence, by extension, from phobias.
(845 words)
CBT isn't easy, but even attempting to tackle these tasks is a positive thing. I hope your appointment on the 1st of March goes well. x x x
ReplyDeleteCBT was hard enough for social phobia, but for emet, it's so much harder than I'm much slower. This complex phobia is so ingrained and been with me for over 3 decades, that it won't go away in a few month's CBT, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your well wishes