330- Health updates 2018 (1)

I start, what I hope, a new monthly series, discussing updates about my health this year, though I will post whenever needed.

Both mental and physical, as they can often be linked. 

I start by discussing my mental health in the past couple months, ever since my supposed mole or simple dermatofibroma was diagnosed as a rare form of skin cancer, with the not-so cute name Dermatofibrosarcoma protuberans, or DFSP for short. (more my dermatology entries)

The news hadn't pleased me at all. As manner of fact, it depressed me greatly, which isn't a good addition to my overall mental illness package, which already includes chronic depression and seasonal affective disorder - which was active in view of that time of year.

Fast forward to end of 2017. We hosted a new year's eve party, to which a friend came a bit sick. Next night, we then participated in another, leaving late, in damp and cold (though mildly) conditions. (more in this end of 2017 social exposures). 

Two days later, I had to run errands, in rainy and gale conditions, which, coupled with my previous party exposures, I caught a bad cold, with fevers for 3-4 nights, losing my voice, coughing, sneezing, and all that lasted for 3 whole weeks.

I had to cancel my second CBT for emeto* session, and postponed my scheduled appointment with the dermatology specialist to discuss the DFSP surgery, due to this bad cold.
(* I cannot wait to resume this CBT, as my emeto worsened even more than these past 2 years). 

I eventually had that appointment on 19/01, followed by a week of preparations (mentally, psychologically, emotionally, and physically) to my surgery, which tool place on the 25th.

This entire period (between diagnosis and now) has been very tough for me. Part of it was anxiety and fear about possible outcomes, both for my surgery, and for the biopsy sample that the surgeon sent to the lab. I know that anxiety doesn't alter the results, and that I might as well wait, but part of me is worried to go through more of it. 

At the end of the month, we also found that our hamster, Toshiro, who was 15&half months old, had a swelling in his mouth and hadn't eaten for 2 days. My wife took him to the vet, where she found it was an abscess, which cannot be operated on due to a Djungarian hamster's size and his age. It was the inevitable end to the good life we'd given Toshiro, which we had expected to end sooner, but it was still sad to experience. 

In January, I went out only on the 2nd (that ill-inducing errand outing in the gale & rain) ; dermatology appointment (19th) ; shopping with a friend (20th) ; surgery (25th). 
In February, I went out once thus far (on the very 1st day, a short trip to the postal office).

January's lack of outings was partially due to my bad cold, and then due to post-op recovery rules, and remaining at home by caution, to avoid any possible complications of infection that could occur outside. This is also the reason I went out only once in the past 10 or so days.

In January, I also had lost my voice and my bad cold prevented me from being online, and thus I didn't chat (online, phone or skype) much. I spoke with my wife when I could, my mom a couple times, my gran once, and a friend once. This lack of communication, especially ever since I finished my CBT for social phobia and having developed my social skills a bit more, made me feel very depressed throughout the month, as I couldn't socialise or talk much. 

I posted here and on social media that I would need support, more than before. This was a progress and an effort for me, as I find it difficult to reach out to ask for it, though I can offer it quite easily & freely. 

A few friends reached out ; the rest of the time, I read books, played PS3, listened to music and watched TV (rather, our discs). Despite these, I still felt and feel depression very present. My emotions and mood remain at low levels. Maybe not constantly, but fairly often and consistently. 

Some of my friends haven't noticed or said anything, whilst others have been busy or absent from their computers, and though I'm not mad at them/ you, I don't always know or dare repeating my pleas for help and support. I just pin my posts and hope enough see and check on me, like those who did. 

My wife explained the situation to my mother, and though she did offer some shopping help and came to visit, she's not the most expansive supportive person, and it's something I partially  accept because it's her nature, but still feel sad that she cannot offer me psycho-emotional support. Our history is just very weird, as we didn't see one another for over a decade, especially in important formative years, and thus, our relationship is complex - much like our histories.

Physical health :

I recovered from my cold, slowly and by degrees, around my surgery time. 
Post-op recovery thus far has been okay, physically. I'v had several nurses change my bandage and apply the special skin-healing solution every 2 days, since 26/01. 
I'v had a few itchy moments, as well as electrical jolts - both showing that my wound already started healing. There are a few uncomfortable moments every day, but thus far, nothing majorly painful, outside those jolts, which typically last 30-45 seconds each.
However, today, these have begun to hurt a lot more than before, and more often.

I feel a bit of pain when the nurse scrubs the scab, so I tend to take paracetamol to reduce this pain. 

The first few times, I had taken half a pill of anti-anxiety, but not anymore, as I'm now more used to the bandage replacement procedure, and even benefited from the face-changes with each new nurse, on my social exposures.

Nights are the toughest parts, as I toss and turn, and never find a position that is comfortable enough for my wound. I can feel the bandage, and at times, the skin throbbing under it. I can still feel a bit of the swelling, though it has significantly gone down. I'v been told that my scar looks really well and that the surgeon did a great job, especially that I didn't have a skin graft. 

I can never find a proper position to stay in ; I change it, even during the day. Between sitting, shifting, laying down, lifting my leg, putting it back down, I can never properly rest. As a result of all this, I can feel some fatigue setting-in, and am sure that after the 6 week forbidden efforts, I'll need some physical exercise and that the physical therapist's reeducation that I was prescribed over 3 months ago for other reasons shall be needed for this additional present one.

Tools I'm using, both physical and mental health:

As I said above, reading books, playing PS3 and all those activities that keep me busy and self-cared. 

I try chatting on twitter/FB, and had a few phone calls, a askpe session - once my cold cleared.

I alternate my resting positions.

I just finished my B12 supplementation and shall need to get a blood-work asap, to find out if 2 weekly dosages are enough or if we need to change that with my GP. (I'll do that when I can, between post-op recovery, stitches removal scheduled on 8/02, and the snows outside).

I'v been taking vitamins C, regularly the D as well. Been drinking carrot juices, as that has vitamin A, and alongside the C helps my skin recovery, and which also keeps my energy from sinking.

As showers have been forbidden in the first stages of post-op recovery, I had to use a washcloth alone to keep clean. 

Ever since the surgery early wake up call (at 6AM), we decided to avoid such shocks and having to change sleeping patterns every night for a week prior to other needs. So, instead of going to bed around 1 and getting up after 8, new slot is 11:30 PM or so, and get up 7:30 AM.


That is all for now. Hopefully, this series can be more or less monthly, or when needed.