326- DFSP 7 : The surgery

TW : I suggest you don't read this while eating, if you are sensitive like me.
Second TW : if you also suffer from emeto, there is a slight mention of it as I do suffer and it caused a bit of an issue. 

Today has been extra tough, but in varying degrees, much different than I'd anticipated.

Indeed, I managed to get up at 6AM as I had to prepare for my surgery, with a shower, using a special gel the dermatologist (and plastic surgeon, as I came to learn) had prescribed to prepare my skin. This was the second such shower, as the first was yesterday evening, and they both had the purpose of getting rid of as many risks as possible for infection, by being clean.

I had to be reminded to use new cloths and not the ones I'd just worn for 2 hours, 2 days ago when I went to the stores with a friend. On the moment, I freaked out and became irritated, but on retrospect, I know my wife was right about this. 

I ate a very light breakfast (applesauce, and a bit of energy bar that my wife made). It really sucks to have emeto for these instances, as I would've had to get up as early as 4:30 AM to eat a proper meal, digest it and then have surgery at the scheduled 9:15. 

Anyway, I took my anti-anxiety (half a pill) with my light meal, and just an hour before surgery, took a pain killer and my wife helped applying my anesthetic cream on the area to be operated.

2 buses and a short walk away brought us early enough to prepare for the surgery. 

The doctor was really nice, letting me settle on the operation table and then checking on me throughout the procedure, and contrary to our previous agreement that my wife would leave after the anaesthetic shots (there were about 7), he let her stay the entire time - on my left, as he was operating from the right. 

This was of capital and vital help to me. I'd planned to listen to a bit of music during surgery, and had even started Erasure's eponymous album, but shortly after, i was seized by vertigo and nausea, the same kind of ill-sensations just prior to fainting. I quickly removed the headphones and phone, giving both to my wife and trying extra hard to breathe slowly, pressing on my heart and belly, to avoid emeto complications.

These couple minutes were even tougher than the few aches I felt as the needles went in my already half asleep areas ; though a couple of those were extra painful, the vertigo part was far worse.

The doctor reassured me throughout the operation, explaining my sensations and had also told me beforehand that he may have to leave the room to get the secretary to install some device next to me, only if needed, and not to be alarmed as it wouldn't mean that it's going badly, just that I'd need that extra device to help my blood clot better. This reassured me indeed, as my GAD would have worried about it, had it happened. But in the end, it didn't. 

After I'd taken my headphones off, he also asked questions to help divert my attention, which was extra nice, talking about hiking and photography. 

Surgery went very well on technical levels, despite my few difficult moments. 

After operation, the doctor showed additional kindness by letting me get up slowly from my semi-reclined position, to sit, and gave me a cup of water. Then, I was allowed to regain my composure, to put my shoes back on and go to the waiting room and eat cookies and extra energy bar, till I was ready to go home.

Once back, I remained most of the day sitting on the sofa - also reclined, playing (and losing) tennis matches on PS3, but also depressed, feeling low, exhausted as I faced both fatigue from all the anxiety, preparations and surgery itself. 

I realized this morning that it was actually a good thing that I had only a week from meeting this specialist and having surgery, as I am more than sure that my GAD would have been extra tough with more time to worry about it beforehand for weeks... 

It's also good that I underwent it now in winter, as some of the rules for post-op recovery forbid any kind of sport for 6 weeks, and sun exposure for a year... 

This means that if I do get to hike later in the spring, I'll have to be careful, not to wear black, for instance, on the operated area.

I'll post the rules in another entry, as they are a bit long and I need time to translate.

I'll have up to 4 months of recovery and before all that, a nurse shall come every other day for the next 2 weeks (starting tomorrow) to change my bandage and apply a special cream. 

I asked my surgeon and he agreed to retrieve my stitches, on 8th of February, as I didn't want to risk another panic attack or the extra pain as I had at the nurse's office in October.

Without surgery, there was a 50% risk of recurrence ;With it, the risks drop to 10% within the year. The doctor sent the sample to the lab to check it, and we'll get the results through my regular dermatologist in a couple weeks.

I owe debts of gratitude to my wife, who helped me through all preparations, forcing me to accept them and accompanied me every step of the way ;
To the surgeon who was very humane with his kind bed-manners and letting her to stay ; 
My regular dermatologist, the lab and team who had a staff meeting and discussed my case when this extra-rare form of skin cancer was discovered (I'm literally 1 in a million diagnosed yearly) 
To all my friends who left me messages of support on facebook and twitter.
And to all of my wife's friends who commented her facebook status about my surgery, wishing me a speedy recovery, and local ones offering help with errands.
As well as our mutual friends who did the same. 


More info in post 307 where I explained the diagnosis, and which sends also to wiki's article about DFSP