315- 2017 : a review, and goodbye!

I'm quite happy to see the back of 2017, as, despite many good aspects, it's been a very difficult year, full of so many struggles on so many levels!


I discovered new musical artists, and found myself changing tastes regarding bands and musicians that I used to like a lot. 

I grew as a person and learned a lot of good things, as detailed here. 

I made new friendships - 1 new in person, and many online, in twitter's mental health community. I thanked the ones who were the most supportive and present, but also a few newer friendship that I chatted with a bit less often but can recognize their potential to grow. 

I finished CBT for social phobia ; I made progress thanks to the help of my therapist and many exposures. I subsequently started CBT for emeto (1 session thus far). 

In 2017, I managed several challenges : blogging ones, gratitude one, and goodreads' book reading one. 

I was made into the first ambassador on Kay Ska's blog, mental health stories ; and participated in Jodie Goodacre's campaigns. 

In 2017, I researched a lot more tools to learn about my various mental illnesses ; for this, I read blogs, listened and watched vlogs, and been working in concert with my 2 therapists to help me understand, face and cope with my mental illnesses. But, all this means that i struggled A LOT, and I do mean, A LOT. 

My emeto and 3 other, intertwined phobias, have reached unprecedented tough levels. I struggled with the so much, that many tasks were left undone, or done much later in the day, or, in most cases, I had to ask my wife to take over. It's good  that I finally started CBT for it! Not a moment too soon! 

My chronic depression has also been a huge battle throughout the year, especially in summer. I didn't get to go out or even hike like I wanted, and this put a hamper on my well-being, and spiraled for weeks at a time. 

My mood swings have been even more present this entire year. I shifted so many times, from numbing to over-achieving, bursting emotions. 

Physical health hasn't been the best. 

• I dealt with B12 deficiencies, with a quest to find the right dosage of supplementation to get to some kind of norm - which is still going at least another 5 weeks. 
• I had 2 biopsies of a "mole" that was called "dermatofibroma" and which was eventually diagnosed as a DFSP, which is short for Dermatofibrosarcoma protuberans, a form of skin cancer, for which I have to see a specialist on 10/01/18 and shall have a Slow Mohs operation later on. The news of this added stress and salt on all my wounds and struggles. 
• My back pains have also been present, but part of them are my own fault ; my discs are tired and I have slacked my self-care exercises, and so, my physical shape has deteriorated, and I'll discuss this part in my next entry, about 2018's goals. 
• My overall fatigue, both created by physical ailments, and my exhausting struggles with mental illnesses, have been quite tough to deal with. 

2017 has been a mix of good and bad, as one expects of anything in life. But, it's been one of the toughest years for me, where I have to constantly be on guard, and shift between mindsets. 

I am in constant need to re-evaluate who I am, and who I like to be friends with. I'm struggling with self doubt, and would love to see the back of 2017... Only, that the first few weeks of 2018 won't be much easier, it seems... 

Is that what it is to be middle-aged ? Get to a year you'd like to end before it starts, and when it does, you wish you had more time to fix its flaws ? 

During struggles, time seems to have stopped. Yet, 2017 just flew by me! It's new years 2017... and bam, it's end of December!!! WhAAAT ?! 

Go away, 2017. You've been tougher than expected. Can 2018 be easier, please ?