291 - Men & mental health project, part 3

The aim of this post is to showcase my men's mental health projects, by showing my questions and my own answers as examples, so others may see what I wish to create.



As I said, I wish to have a specific post to appear on multiple blogs with the following points:

1. Presentation
2. Mental illnesses
3. Stigma faced
4. Passionate campaigning 

1. Thus, the presentation would just be that I am Lulu and that I blog about multiple subjects, not just mental health topics but also reviews of games, music, books, tv & movies, as well as photography. I'm a middle-aged non-binary man, and I suffer from
2. the following mental illnesses : cptsd, quite a few phobias, anxiety and that I've been followed by therapists but have never had to take medication.
3. The stigma I faced as a nonbinary man who doesn't display physical prowess, consisted in derogatory remarks about my lack of stamina and power, but also that I had "too many problems" and was made to be quiet about my suffering in french society that prefers not to address these issues of mental illnesses as a general approach to life is suffering and we must suck it up. I also heard comments that I was weird (especially since I started growing & dying my hair in what society still calls feminine colors - pink and purple); either due to hobbies (that I do as part of my nonbinary personality and avoidance of social situations) or due to my lack of social graces and having to refuse many invitations. 
4. I used to be very shy and suffered in silence for years. Not anymore, as I found vloggers who openly shared their experiences, I joined a mental health community on twitter where I participate to weekly chats and have been blogging my own stories and struggles very candidly on this very blog for over a year and a half. I won't stop now that I started, although I may slow down at times, either when I need it for self-preservation from burn-outs, or when life gets busier. I'm extremely passionate about campaigning regarding the social disease that is domestic violence and child abuse, to which I was subject to as a young child. I'm equally passionate discussing trauma and subsequent Cptsd's, including also a religious cult's damaging impacts, and lastly about my phobias and anxieties. 

If I were to reply to the surveys, I'd say... 

For the first survey : 

1. How the men in your lives responded to your mental illness ; have they faced stigma from men and have the men been supportive or not when the women have gone to treatment for their problems.
2. Were the men around willing to discuss & learn about your mental health issues / treatment with them or not?
3. How are your relationships with other men different once those men become aware of your mental illness?

Answers > 

1. The reactions of men to my mental illness have been quite varied. The closest friends supported me and some opened up about their own struggles ; others rolled their eyes or shrugged, and left, not attempting to understand the terms I'd just said. 
2. As I said, some men offered support, and others opened up, deepening existing old or new friendships, and when I/we don't struggle, we enjoy one another's company and go on hiking, to do the movies, or eat together - for in person relationships, whilst online it's the topics of conversations that can sometimes branch out of mental health, but with men this haven't happened often for me yet. 
3. Most have deserted me, but my problem is that I don't generally befriend easily with men, due to my particular traumas. I have always found it a lot easier to talk with women than with men, especially in view of some of the reactions and macho interests that most men I meet are consumed with. Some of the most recent male friendships have seen improvement in this area. 

Specific questions, for a second survey :

1. Men, have you had issues in being abandoned/ostracized by friends/colleagues/family once they learned about your mental illness? 
2. For non-binary/LGBTQa+, do you face specific stigma?
3. For women, how do you perceive men's mental illness and stigma?

I don't need to repeat here what I said in the first survey & in my presentation above. Maybe with the exception of hostile work environnement that I experienced in my third job in a library, where I was often ridiculed or harassed for my veganism. 

A third will be for middle-aged people with mental illness/es :

1. Do we find our age (for the middle-aged of us) an asset, a hindrance, or a mix, and how so?
2. Do we notice changes in our mental illnesses with the passing of age?

Now, this part is quite important to me. 

1. I find my middle-age to be an asset in regards to experience and support I can offer ; my newfound passion as a campaigner. But it's also a hindrance in view of energy levels that have lowered over time and difficulties to physically and mentally follow younger people's energetic lifestyles. 
2. Also, my mental illnesses have worsened over the past few years, especially after a mental breakdown which occurred after several traumatic losses, and also resulted from an overload and ill-treated mental illnesses as they were left aside in attempts to get better without the proper therapeutic work that I learned to do subsequently. With age, energy went down, as mentioned above. Thus, I am more prone to fatigue from my various mental illnesses. On the other hand, CBT for social phobia, and increased awareness and a better psychotherapy for my CPTSD's have improved my conditions, especially the social aspect, so it's not a purely negative time of my life. 

General questions for any of these surveys : 

1. How easy is it for us to get support from family, friends, colleagues ? 
2. Last questions, for all of us, collaborators and surveyed, what need/ can be done and what do you do to end the stigma? 
3. How can we men help other men to talk openly and seek help for mental health problems? 

My answers for these general questions:

1. I don't find it easy to confide in my family, a topic which will be raised elsewhere, as part of another project. Friends part have been answered above, and colleagues as well, which I don't have at the moment. 
2.  & 3. I think talking openly and raising awareness, promoting and prompting other men to feel safer in talking, and to tear down societal taboos, and educating everyone equally about these topics are important measures that I feel compelled to participate in and which are why I launched this series of posts and projects.