279 - Cyclothymia... or ?

I want to discuss a possible mis-diagnosis, and un-diagnosing it as a result. 

Back in 2008, upon reading  this book which I discussed with my first psychotherapist and described my mood swings, she had confirmed that I was suffering from cyclothymia.

However, as my wife wanted to better understand my mood swings, their cause and how to help me, she researched it and knowing me the past 12 years, she just doesn't agree that I may have cyclothymia ; Because, I don't exhibit hypomania nor take huge risks which should come with it, nor ever display a huge self-confidence.

It could be that she's right ; I re-read online descriptions, and watched videos. Maybe, like she said, the highs that I thought I was experiencing before we met weren't hypomania, but just a normal level of mood and confidence - such when I was applying to job and going to work, or other professional activities. 

Also maybe, the therapist was following an older DSM edition - after all, psychological knowledge grows all the time. However, upon reading DSM-IV TR from 2000 that she probably would have known, I still see the requirement for hypomanic symptoms. 

Or, maybe, and quite possibly, the french term cyclothimie is a broader sense than the specifics the Anglophone one gives to it... 

Or, maybe I was indeed experiencing cyclo, but no longer... 

Another or would be that due to my lack of point of reference of what should be my normal mood level and what would therefore constitute a high such as described by hypomania, my understanding of the terms was somewhat partial and skewed, and thus upon discussing, got a wrong diagnosis.

Two other compelling points about the possibility that I at least no longer suffer from cyclothymia are :

• that my lows in the depressive part is also far worse than that of normal cyclothymia
• & that my moods shift far more rapidly! Indeed, I used to have up to 50 changes in a day, and after many years of efforts, have managed to lower to 5-25. 

Let me illustrate, by editing an image I already used, for mood disorders. 
The three - - - with question marks both in the mania with psychosis and in severe depression with psychosis are because I don't know if the psychotic episodes I suffered in my teens were in one of those ends, or both. 
The additional --- in the elation and hypomania portions are also un-defined to me, as explained above.
Which leaves me with the known part, the continuous red line (as continuous as it can be when drawn with a software) which corresponds to all the depression stages, and possibly a normal mood. 

So, if my mood swings aren't cyclo, where they can come from ? 

• as part of depression 
• and/or anxiety disorder(causing hormonal fluctuations) 
• and/or as part of cptsd's 

With mathematical logic in boulean terms, the most probable explanation is the mix of all 3 of these causes into one giant balloon of emotions.

What my current understanding of cyclothymia makes me think I don't have it and possibly never had, was the fact that my mood swings can be so rapid, instead of stable over a few days/weeks, and shift for the next few days/weeks. In my case, they come and go either several times a day, when all's "okay" it's about 5/a day, but can spike at 25 or so changes and used to be up to 50, as mentioned earlier. 

I'll have to research this thoroughly and discuss during my next psychotherapy, on 22nd of January 2018. 

Until then, I self un-diagnose and alternate between mood swings and emotional numbing - the result of cptsd.