276- Aug 21-Oct 6 exposures and CBT2017-23

It has been a super long time since my 22nd CBT session for social phobia. Indeed, it was on August 17, and our initial scheduled 23rd was postponed when my therapist was called as aid to hurricane victims in a French territorial island. 



I don't want to give a dry listing of my exposures but to signal that I followed as much as I could the sole recommendation from the last session : to multiply my exposures, as often as possible, and whenever I could, raise the difficulty level by going to the stores in rush hour.

During the last week and a half of summer vacation, my attempts weren't fruitful, despite 4 exposure days (in August 21, 22, 25& 31)  that I did on purpose during rush hour, even to 2 malls and a shop that I try avoiding as much as I can during rush hour, because of the tension that usually reigns there as students finish their day and tend to cause havoc in its poor neighbourhood location. 

Out of 22 business days in September, I had 19 days of exposures, including multiple trips to the postal office, which isn't a challenge anymore, except when I need help from the employees to sort their inefficient automatic stamp selling machine. 

I also went to the cinema on the 3rd, not to watch a movie but to pre-order a ticket for my wife with a reduced price, and had to insist a bit with the seller about it, and won my case. 

Then, I went to 1, 2, and even 3 stores/mall each of those days, asking for help in several places as I needed to practice this as well. 

After my psychotherapy on the 28th, I went both to the optician and then to a very busy mall, in evening rush hour, which I hadn't done in a very long time, at least not alone, like I did on this occasion. I had to ask for help and also for information, and came back in one of the fullest trams, also managing to get out on my stop, as it partially emptied by this point. 

It's now early October, and in 5 days, I had at least 4 days of exposures, 

on the 1st,  I went on a roadtrip with two friends ; we visited a church which had other tourists and locals visiting it as well.
On 2nd, a supermarket and a store, coming back in a tram full of students as it was their rush hour (finishing classes or transferring to another study location), and here, I managed to get out despite the fullest tram I've had in months. I politely and jokingly asked the ones blocking my access to move and I avoided having to stay in the tram a few extra stops and taking another to come back, as I had done before quite often in the same circumstances. 

Finally, yesterday, was my appointment with the dermatologist, where I went accompanied by my wife, in rush morning hour but the tram wasn't too full despite it and I managed it really well. 

Today was the 23rd session, where I discussed all these exposures for which my therapist applauded regularity as well as my efforts in going to places in rush hour.

(session exposure is as usual a busy hospital, after which I went to a supermarket and took a half busy bus back home).

I also talked how I was stressed about a birthday party I'm invited to and delineated my reasons of stress 

• Someone I thought was a friend but became an acquaintance, the presence of his girlfriend stresses me as I haven't met her but heard she tends to be a bit aggressive and anti-vegan. The advice my therapist had in case this person does direct anything aggressive is to let it pass through me like a ball which I let get lodged into the wall. Respond only in "ghost terms", generic but not accepting her aggression as personal and thus not let it have power over me. This fear, btw, is brought on by witnessing domestic violence, and having also been a victim of child abuse. 
• As for the need of a person to drive me, I just sent a message to a friend who's going there and am waiting on her reply, just like my therapist said to dare asking 
• She didn't suggest anything about my fear of alcohol and emeto triggering as we'll be working that soon, so, though I wish she had, I understand our time was out 

Next session, 24th, will be the last for social phobia. It'll be on 6th of November, and that's when I'll have an update of Leibowitz test, and after that, we'll work either emeto or also copro+hemo+carno as these 4 phobias are all intertwoven, such as explained here for ex (TW!)