273- Today's Psychotherapy

Today has been a long one, and very productive, as I ran several errands. But the most important part has been my psychotherapy session. 


I told him about my struggles with depression this past summer (he last saw me in June) but also the positives, namely my progress in CBT and exposures.

I discussed this depression which has been one of the longest and worst levels in a very long time, based on several factors :

Feelings of inadequacy and age gap in the twitter MH community and generally with real life friends as well ; as indeed, we have 2 friends in their mid 50's, whilst all the rest of my friends are 18-25 year old, and only a few 29-about 40ish. Most people in my own age group are parents and have jobs, whilst have neither. 

My difficulties were brought on by the fact that I'm far away and older than most of my friends, and that I felt too many differences in life experiences and conditions ; and distance was also a factor for my online friendships. 

>My therapist reminded me that it's good to have friends who bring differences that can enrich me, and that I'm not as old as I felt.

>As to my seasonal depressions I suffer from, and just to generally improve my state regarding depression, I've got to research a special light therapy lamp, if I can afford it, and have it for at least a few minutes every day, but otherwise to at least run 5 minutes a day on either relaxation, yoga (if I can do any with my scoliosis), body scanning, mindful meditation (the latter would also help reduce my experiences of  the religious cptsd depersonalization). 

As to my fears about my future and age, he suggested the following: 

>To keep varying my activities, and limiting how much I focus and intellectualize my mental health issues, to avoid burning out. As I told him that I already do this by reading books, editing and photographing, and hiking, watching movies and occasional trips to the museum or elsewhere.  

>And to read Eckhart Tolle's The power of now, as it'd help me live more in the present if I managed to integrate its lessons. 


I also gave him the medical forms to fill for my disability's renewal and we set an appointment for 22 January 2018, almost 4 months away, as I have a lot of homework to do, but to space it with other non-psychology related topics and activities.