252- Psychotherapy June 2017

Yesterday's psychotherapy session falls under the "mixed bag" header. Indeed, I had expected a confirmation of our auto-diagnostic of Asperger's syndrome, as discussed in my post from 3 weeks ago. 


However, when I showed him my current findings, he said they were vague and that if he ticked from Justine's control list, he'd probably also have to be diagnosed with it... 
True enough, online research can steer us wrong and the AQ test I had taken is only a first step that may lead to further, more official ones, in person, with a therapist. But, mine isn't a specialist of the autism spectrum, and I have read on a french blog that it's quite hard to get such a diagnosis for adults.

I'm not saying that I'm sure at 100% that I have this syndrome, but reading about it did seem to explain a lot.

I'll have to contact the local autism specialist, and ask her if I can at least use their official library/ documentary center, to learn more about the topic and either find out that I don't have Asperger's, or get an official test to know for sure.

It'd help my self-awareness, and self-understanding ; I'd be able to explain how I function and why to my friends, so they can understand me at the same time.

I was slightly put-off that I'm left to my own devices, at least for a while- my CBtherapist said she can write a referral letter to the specialist, and I see her next month.  So, this part of my research will take a slight back-seat.

There were, however, positive aspects to this session :

• I quickly talked about my 20th CBT session and how my exposure progress has been enough to go into consolidation phrase and that I've learned many coping skills for my social phobia through my CBT. 

• I also discussed, in detail, about my conscious choices back in late March & early April, in relation to learning a new skill in facing my cptsd anniversary by reassigning it's meaning - as explained in this blog post about ptsd relief and growth. I told him that I had managed to keep busy for 23 days and then, had a burn-out fatigue for 3 weeks as a result of this psychological effort. But that I felt very accomplished as I had managed to avoid all the symptoms I usually go through during my cptsd anniversaries. 

• I mentioned that through twitter chats, I had shared with others some of the knowledge I accumulated regarding (c)ptsd and that I knew that part of my recovery has been due to self-aware decision-making, in efforts and patient work to reach this success. 

He congratulated my efforts, and while he was taking notes, he added that I'm a great example of how proactive and dynamic approach that I have in my own therapy can make a huge difference in recovery and finding coping tools. 

He also congratulated my online participations, but renewed his questions to make sure that I also saw friends in real life and not just through the computer. I know, he's right, and he's also reserved regarding online life. I explained the few meetings I had with a couple friends (including Sophie as I discussed in my exposure entries), and that most of our friends have been quite busy lately. 

He also wanted to make sure that I take breaks from mental health and psychology topics, so I showed him the current book am reading which is a fantasy novel, in English as usual. I explained what I tend to read, aside for all the MH and he seemed reassured that I do take breaks. 

(you my readers may not know it, as you see my blog posts accumulate, but you don't see the breaks I take in composing as many of my entries take weeks to shape, before I post several of them in a row). 

Despite the set-back regarding a clearer image of my possible Aspie diagnosis, the rest of my session was very positive and encouraging in my continued efforts. Don't ever give up on your therapy, if you have the choice. It can bring many happier days!