232- I’m not only vegan...

I know, this is an odd post... you'd think it's not totally about mental health, but read on... 

Ok, I need to say this. I’m not only vegan.

I’m also extremely sensitive and have some kind of ptsd phobias that are triggered in split second from seeing non-veg meals and all kinds of corpses and bloodies, wounded animals, notably those shared in campaigns against hunting, fishing, and all kinds of other animal abuses on this planet.

FYI, as a kid, I stumbled on deliveries of corpses in the market and fainted. I was rushed to hospital to be revived, more than once. For self-preservation, I had to learn delivery hours, locations of all those stores. I cannot even say or hear certain words pertaining to all those store-names and "professions".

To this day, I have to learn alternative routes everywhere possible.

When triggered, I get extremely nauseous, and can throw up right there and then, which is awful because I suffer from emetophobia.

When triggered, I go into shock. When triggered, I have an immediate evere drop in my blood pressure. I become pale. I can fall and faint.

It has happened merely hearing those words which I cannot deal with.

I had to mute twitter or un-follow Facebook accounts. I had to block some accounts even if I agree with the goal of the campaigns; I cannot deal viewing any of it. I find that often, educating is better than shocking people with graphic stuff, but that’s another debate.

If you find my reactions of muting and blocking accounts extreme, yes, it is. So is my suffering.

What’s worse, in an omni-world, this doesn’t seem to EVER be discussed. To my knowledge, there is no diagnosis for such a phobia.
Update: chatting about this with Amy  it appears this is called Carnophobia. 

I had been bullied over my veganism. I have been treated and name-called, insulted. I’ve had a lot of BS thrown at me. I’ve experienced hostile work environments because here in France, if you are veggie or vegan, you are still a marginal alien at best… Despite a growing community, we are still shunned and mistreated, overall.

Being so sensitive and also suffering from social phobias and being a beta, all at once, makes me extremely vulnerable to attack and abuse. I cannot deal with it, and have to preserve myself from such occurrences, just as much as certain discussions and graphic imagery.

I hope you understand me a bit better, now.

Rest assured, I’m not expecting the entire human race to become vegan after millions of years in an omni evolution. 

Some people have treated me like I was the worse person on this planet... when all I do is talk about subjects that I'm passionate about, from mental health to my atheism and veganism.

I don't accept that anti-vegan bashing I was subjected to, just because I dare to discuss reasons why I am and why I believe others should make the effort to save this planet (it's EarthDay, btw), for ecological and practical reasons to the ones that matter first : it's all about compassion and being ethically bound to defend the abused and those who cannot talk for themselves. Animals and vegans face enormous stigma.

I no longer will accept this bashing and hatred towards me. If you think I'm the one making you feel guilty because I discuss openly, it's not me but your own conscience. 

Some of you are omni and you treated me really well and never judged me, or thrown insults at my face.

Some of you are vegan and you campaign and post graphic content. I like you as people and talking with you but had to mute your account so I don’t see it. We can still talk in private.

I’m not only vegan, I’m also suffering as you can read. Please be mindful with me. This is one thing I doubt I’ll ever recover from.

Thank you.