224- Posttraumatic cycles (2)

Post-traumatic anniversaries have never been easy to deal with. If you recall, I discussed this already last year.  Most early Aprils the past 2 decades have been difficult, with the exception of 2 of those years since reuniting with my maternal family. 


In the past few months, I learned a lot about myself, my cycles, patterns, cptsd mechanisms and so forth. What became quite clear, is the need to break the repetition of cycles by re-assigning and changing the meaning of the day or period. Instead of being systematically associated with the memory of the traumatic event/s, I need to create new associations and help my brain pathways connect these days with different, more positive, or at least neutral events. 

Usually, late March & early April tended to very difficult, as I'd become very depressed, dissociative and uncommunicative, feeling only the negative emotions that were associated with my kidnapping,  losing my mother (even though it was temporary and that I'm in touch with her now), uprooting, culture shock and all subsequent trauma and their own host of effects. 

So, with this in mind, I have been working really hard these past couple weeks, to build those new connections. Last week, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and went to the park for a whole 2 hours, and attended a birthday party, out of town, at evening. 

I had a very positive CBT session that I need to blog about, and today have gone to the supermarket, and remained active throughout the day. I skyped and helped a friend with her blog, also offering emotional support. 

I've read, and look forward to tonight's talkmh on twitter. 

Remaining active, with more positive outlooks, and working on my exposures as well as having plans for the next few days, all help to avoid sinking like most years. So far, so good. 

I part here with a shorter post than usual, with my motto of the past few weeks.