206- Psychotherapy March 2017

So, today I had my first psychotherapy session of 2017 - I see my therapist every 3 months, additionally to my other therapist for CBT. 

I quickly discussed my CBT and exposure progress, and then went on to discuss the issues mentioned in a few blog posts, including yesterday's difficulties with my mental health. 

He advised I look into sorting an official act to further my own protection and that it's more about this than actually doing anything against my father (see my post about statute of limitations). 


In regards to my difficulties, he off course confirmed that recovery isn't a linear line (not that I doubted that) ; I must continue with my self-care routines, work on my mental health but also have enough moments to break away from it ; have activities to distract me from constant MH topics and thus avoid saturating. Even though I pass a good deal with MH, I also read books that aren't even psychology, I walk (even to his office), go to the park (like after our session) and many other activities that help with the necessary variety. 

When I told him about the support I received, both from my wife and online and that It helped me immensely - especially since this has always been quite difficult for me to ask for help, more often offering my own but not asking due to my low self-esteem, he encouraged me about this aspect, but reiterated the need to also have offline and off-MH moments. Off course, he's right. 

Which is great that we also have local friends with whom the topics don't arise so often, and we exchange many others instead. 

Last month during my 5000 day veganiversary party, someone had asked me a question which resulted in talking about some of my traumas and I had acid reflux, forcing me to withdraw for a few moments. As this wasn't an isolated incident - in the past, I have had headaches, knots in my stomach, acid reflux or even threw up. 
So, I asked my therapist for his help with this and he suggested I practice a mindful self-awareness when the situation arises and have a small inner dialogue to decide

1. I either feel too fragile and want to protect myself. I can reply that I wish not to discuss it that moment. 
2. or, I can decide to talk openly & un-apologetically about my feelings and traumas (since I am a MH activist now),  to take the conscious risk of feeling sick and that each time I do this, it'll be very similar to the exposure part of my CBT for social anxieties and that in time, I would get less often sick, and less intensely. 

This advice, added with my CBtherapist's advice to talk about this traumatic aspect of my past gradually and to limit my audience, at least at first, to 3 people, make up a good set of guidelines for me to follow and work towards reducing these physical effects of such difficult discussions. 

I really like the dynamic therapy with my two current therapists, and hope that my progress shall continue to make its marks. Recovery isn't a straight line, but if you don't give up on yourself, you can make it!