192 - The good, the bad & the ugly me

Day 2 of #30dayblogchallenge isn't a simple one : it's the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of me. 

Before I go on, I'll send you to the intro of this challenge, that will tell you all about it, and who started it. (those links send to B's twitter and blog) 

Now, not withstanding shades of grey in those notions of good and bad (about which I may compose a separate post), it's always difficult to talk about oneself in those lines. Yet, this is part of the challenge is to engage in introspective analysis - to dare to talk about those aspect of my personality.



I prefer to reverse this order, and discuss the topic as follows : 

My ugly side 😈

•  the fact that I have a ruthless tendency to cut people out of my life, radically and with no possible forgiveness once they have greatly offended, hurt, or repeatedly ignored me over a long period of time. I have done so numerous times in my life, in spite my general patience in friendships. Once I'm through, I'm through. 
• I'm more judgmental that I wish I were. I often feel that many people don't reach my standard of Humanity. This has been a WIP within myself, learning to accept certain things, but there are those aspects of our race's actions that really get me and I cannot abide by....
• My insecurities, lack of self-esteem have been so prevalent, I often act irrationally and radically in self-loathing, overly critical and I stop activities just because I feel I'm bad at them - not giving myself time to learn and improve. Also a massive difficulty that I'd like to change.

My bad side 😢

• Similarly, I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person, with extreme overreactions. For ex, I tend to just stop the music instead of lowering its volume, when asked. Only recently did I even start to try my best to avoid these... 
• I'm horrible at asking for help, though I do work on it a bit now, and always offer my own. But when I need, it's still very difficult and I overwork myself instead. 
• I'm too critical with my appearance, and have to learn to accept my masculine physical traits...

My good part 💓

Out of lack of time and being already late with this post, I'll copy-paste from post 84 where I had to list 3 positive aspects that I liked about myself, and which are 

• When asked, I always put on top of the things I like about myself what I consider my best quality : my sensitivity. It defines who I am, probably more than anything else. It defines some of my Life philosophies, such as compassion and non-violence, practicing Ahimsa,  being a vegan, as well as my kindness to others and my will to help. It might sometimes be detrimental when I let others abuse me, or prevent me from watching certain gory violent shows and movies that I would otherwise enjoy (for their stories and drama for instance) but I think overall, the balance tilts towards a strength rather than a weakness.
• I love my communion with nature, Mother Earth. We are part of one another, and I have a deep need to hike and treehug. 
• My convictions, share with my sensitivity the nucleolus or Core of my life philosophy.