188 - #xpo173challenge - Days 12-26

Second portion of my exposure challenge, starts with day 12 - the day of my 16th CBT session ; we are on February 28th, for which my exposure is automatically done as I go to a local hospital where my therapist receives me. 

I have to wait thrice - first for admissions, then to tell a hostess about my appointment (so she can call my therapist to let her know I've arrived), and lastly, I wait in the side hallway, next to her office. Here, foot traffic of patience and personnel vary but is usually quite busy - and today it was actually busier than ever - in all 9 months of CBT. 

I managed to focus most of the time on reading a book that I brought, glancing regularly up to make sure I wasn't missing my therapist's arrival, and also, I'll admit, some anxiety regarding all these people. To be frank, I wouldn't be surprised if there had been over 200 of them during my 35 minutes wait. In that respect, I did really well. 



I had planed a visual guide for my post, but haven't been able to get around it by March 2. So, for the moment I'll continue with the same reporting style, as days 13 & 14 were less challenging with just shopping outings. Day 13 to a basic grocery store and a bakery, and 14 to the supermarket. All these shops were uneventful, as were the trams on day 13. 
Sometimes, an exposure challenge takes a backseat to more pressing matters with cleaning one's apartment. 

Day 15 (March 3) was too gloomy and stormy, I didn't dare go out (and then I forgot about it) so had no exposure, but I did a lot of self-care. 

Day 16, March 4. 
I compensated for this by going with my aunt to 2 malls, on busy Saturday! 
The first turned out to be a great challenge for me. There, I volunteered quick information to not one, but two other customers who were looking at products at the same time as me and I gave them tips. For this, I felt positively surprised because I rarely do that at all. 
Then, later, waiting in line for my turn to pay was the the biggest challenge : all registries were full, with 5-10 customers (individual, or couples, even families,) per line. 
I felt the anxiety welling up, and I responded by reminding myself that everyone there was also waiting for their turn and minding their own business. That I was safe and no one was bothering me at all. 
I took control of the situation, and managed to reduce the level of anxiety. 
CBT is paying off. 

The second mall ... was surprisingly much emptier and presented no cause for anxiety. Which is both good and bad - good break, bad that I didn't get to practice some more. 


March 5-8 : I had to cancel all exposures, due to severe weather conditions (wind storms & heavy rains, followed by colder temperatures). 

March 9 is therefore the new day 17 for me, with a trip to the grocery store, meaning 2 trams and the second one was during rush hour - which gave me an exposure, especially to ask people to move so I could get off on the proper stop. Here, I found a good way for a change, saying pardon, attention aux pieds (= pardon, careful for your feet) and guess what ? people moved! I was out, and didn't have to miss my stop. 

Day 18 is March 10, marking my return to bigger exposures. I walked down to a local park (about 1.7 km away), crossing with a few people along the way ; stayed there reading for 35 minutes, with a lot of foot traffic and in spite of anxieties, remained, mostly reading but lifted my eyes to look around a few times (out of anxiety). 
Then, I took a tram during rush hour but had to get off one step before my destination - someone seemed to have peed there while sitting as my emetophobia and urophobia (didn't even know it existed, I just looked it up now) spiked and I couldn't deal with it. 

I asked for help in TWO consecutive stores, just a few minutes apart, which is part of my continuous CBT exposure tasks. I'm pretty happy with myself for doing so, today.

I then took yet another tram, just for 3 stops toward my last errand of the day : the organic store. I tend to be okay there, because it's a small store, and have been going there for so many years that even the changing personnel know me. This was the least challenging portion of the day - just like the last bus to go home, that was almost empty (but challenged my OCD, I think. I need to investigate if it's part of OCD or rather emetophobia).