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You might ask why I titled this post with days 1-11 ; my answer is simply that day 12 corresponds to my next CBT session & I feel it'd be a good moment to reevaluate and update my goals.
Day 1 (Feb 17) : Went grocery shopping. 20 minutes in store. Another few in bakery (took greater caution enunciating my request). 2 tram rides, each about 12 minutes. First was a bit fuller, but managed my anxieties during entire outing.
>> I'm preparing a post about tools for managing anxieties, so I won't repeat myself too much here.
However, I'll add that I really feel CBT and exposures over the past 8 or so months have helped me tremendously, with a few milestones such as those from 2 weeks ago (see posts 178-179-180)
Day 2 : Called library to ask 2 questions. Spent 20 minutes in library. Spent about 10-15 minutes in each of 2 stores. Offered my help to a stranger, carrying his suitcase to a bus station. Took 2 buses (15 minutes each as well). No anxieties, oddly enough.
>> Making phone calls has become quite difficult in the past 3 years, especially for official and administrative purposes and each time, I have to prepare myself mentally to the task. I find that writing my questions beforehand tend to help alleviate anxieties during the call. I didn't need that today because my query was a simple one.
>> I felt very relaxed and an ease in partially familiar situations, and places that I already visited many times before. These, and the progress I'v made with CBT and exposures have contributed to the fact that I didn't feel anxious today.
I know for a fact that I'm capable in reaching this goal, and thrive towards a new norm of relaxation in future social situations - confident that I can make it, and also aware that the progress isn't a straight line and that I can have tougher moments to go through.
Day 3 was a Sunday which tends to be quite boring in our city, unless there's a movie, or we manage to invite someone. Nothing of the sort ; compounded with a busy day at home, and cold weather, I ended staying at home. So much for that exposure.
I decided that unless I can do something on a Sunday, I'll just take those off my challenge.
Day 4 was also quite busy at home. I ended having a 15 minutes walk around the block, with my wife.
The only challenge was the supermarket I went to after this walk, but even that was really fast, as I didn't need many items. Day 4 turns to be a small bridge, just to keep practicing being out.
Day 5 (Feb 21) today, I decided to challenge myself to do my shopping in the mall instead of the easier supermarket ; and to add to that challenge, I did it after 4PM, which tends to be rush hour. To further help my exposure, I extended my stay in that mall for nearly an hour and a half - instead of the usual under 1 hour, grab and run kind of shopping.
This went well, but my exposure wasn't as difficult as I anticipated, and hoped a bit ; rush hour didn't occur. Students are on holidays, so the trams were almost empty, and the mall was busy, but not overly crowded.
Next task to done once again : asking for information or help. I haven't done that in a while.
Day 6 exposure was spending 7 hours with a friend who came to eat dinner, watch 2 movies and talk with us, getting even closer than we had been, by sharing about topics we didn't discuss before.
Day 7 (Feb 23) exposure was harder in nature, tho executed really well and I'm proud of myself: I complained to postal office for a bad delivery job - mailman crammed a damaged package into our mailbox even though we were home and our doorbell only 3 feet away.
I also filed a complained online wit their website, as well as the one I had bought the items from. I'm waiting on replies from both.
>> complaining has always been difficult. I can return a defective item or spoiled food, but actually saying ''this is bad'', is harder.
Day 8 has been calm, with exposures to
- the organic store (with 2 buses on each side), during an expected rush hour that didn't really happen (student on holidays.)
However, I did strike a short conversation at one of the bus stops, with a person who was also waiting for a very late bus - and this has to be noted because I almost never do that. I felt a bit awkward at the end, but during the convo it was ok.
- and the supermarket, with my wife. Not too much of a challenge this time around, but keeps me exposed for regularity.
Day 9 (Feb 25) was a visit to friends, out of town, just 20-30 minutes ride from us. I had visited them a few times before. My anxiety was medium, and lowered over time. I managed to nap in their garden whilst one host was busy and my wife was giving a haircut to the other.
Days 10 & 11 have been calmer, due to weekend and then to a gloomy, colder Monday.
This brings us to the end of this entry.
Tomorrow's my CBT to discuss all my exposures and start a new portion of this challenge in another post.
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