180- Exposure (CBT15-16) (3)

Today's exposure continues my blog posts, public transportation (a few buses, one busy tram), outing with my wife to a café and a few stores, which would turn out not only fruitful in a few items, but also for my social anxiety, exposure practice, and lastly, daring something new. 

Indeed, the first café turned out impractical due to lack of space to accommodate my wife, a friend of ours and me. We went to a different one than the planned café. This was easier to do than I thought and ended up more spacious anyway, with plenty space between us and others there. 


The café was an exercice : drinking in front of others, talking with 2 people (wife and friend), in front of others is never easy for me, especially in a public place. 

2 hours or so later, we parted ways, and headed to a clothing store as I needed to buy a couple items and wanted to just have a look at possible nice, floral or otherwise decorated cloths. 

We looked in women's section - that something new I mentioned above. Last year, I had bought some floral cloths after my wife had found some in men's section. This year, however, men's cloths are no longer pretty. They are once again boring, corporate and sports driven, generally boring. 

Since I'm working on my gender fluidity, I had been planing to cross-dress, at least at home. I shall do that one day, once I find a good deal on a dress that I want, but for the moment I bought a tunic, or tshirt, that I found very pretty and shall wear at least at home. 

I'll work my courage to dare going out with it, eventually, I hope. 

My exposures continued in a few other stores, where we didn't buy anything, before heading to a busy tram, and home. 

Sometimes, exposures can be really difficult. I often experience high to overflowing anxiety and even panic attacks. Today has been rather a series of successes and well dealt anxieties. 


The past few days have been very busy and highly social, so apart for a bit of shopping than I'll run tomorrow, I now need a bit of break from socializing. I need to retreat a bit to my cave, read some books, and limit slightly even my online interaction - though I won't stop it nor need a total break from it right now. 

I plan some new blog posts, not only about mental health but some holistic medicine, focusing on herbal medicines that I came to know and enjoy, and which are actually can benefit one's mental health as well as some physical stuff like headaches, colds and the like - more on that in next few posts and I'll disclaim each as a personal finding, as I'm not a medical personnel- just passionate about the topic.