178 - Exposure (CBT15-16) (1)

My 15th CBT was a lot about my therapist's suggestions regarding my 5000 day vegan anniversary that was this past Sunday. Indeed, it was a big gathering, as we had invited 10 friends, to come, each in turn as early as 2 & late as 7 PM. 



2 of them couldn't but the other 8 showed up between 3:30 & 6:30 PM, some leaving around 7, and the last 5 guests remaining for dinner. 

We had snacks, talks, and for a while, video games. 

During dinner, some of the discussions became more personal, and I was asked a few questions that I answered in greater detail that I'd originally planned. I discussed some of my traumas, which stirred me up a bit and as a result, had some nausea and acid reflux, spitting and hurting my belly in the restroom - but the good news, no throwing up, which is a good change - especially since 2 of the friends who came were still very new friendships made a few months ago. They are a couple who never visited us before. 

Usually, this often results in rather severe sickness and stress. But this time, it was only a short period - just like those few moments I couldn't make heads or tail from the ongoing discussions and didn't dare to interrupt anyone. I still need to learn some social skills for that, especially in my own apartment. 

Another skill I must learn concerns making eye contact ; this is a life-long difficulty and during that moment I was answering one of our friends' questions, I found myself concentrating on her almost entirely and barely making any contact with the other guests. 

Something to learn, and in meantime explain to these guests - that I lack certain skills and can be socially awkward. 

Last skill I must develop relates to answering personal questions more concisely (says the guy composing his 178th blog post in 368 days...)  

All in all, though, the party went well ; I managed to participate and listen better than most times, and dealt well enough with free comings and goings from 3:30 PM to just before midnight when the last 3 guests left. 

Also, I managed to eat and drink in front of people this entire time, which was on my exposure list to do - with anxiety levels of usually over 75/100. 

CBT and exposures have certainly helped me a lot over the past few months, and you'll see in the next post two other aspects of my exposures.