162- CBT2017- 14

First CBT session of 2017, it's the 14th meeting with my current CBT therapist (my second, if you recall). 
I decided to use continuous count, because later this year we'll start another CBT, which won't be targeted at my social phobias but about 3 other ones (there should be a tag for it in due time).


In the meanwhile, I'll discuss the present, which suffices to itself - but I'll do so by refreshing our memories of the exposure tasks I was supposed to do since session 13 :

• Eating with friends 
• Excuse myself out of crammed tram/bus (a very difficult one for me) 
• Interact with my wife's family (I want to make a call to thank her family for some special gifts they sent me)
• discussing and affirming my opinions in subjects that might be controversial
• complimenting strangers

These situations share anxiety levels of 75-90/100 on my relative scale. As such, they are difficult in reaching and even their programming can be daunting, causing it's own wake of anxiety. 

• This was the case of the first of these exposures, eating with friends. Shortly after my session, we were invited to visit friends in a nearby city and I had a rather high anxiety from it, as I wondered what would happen with a mutual friend there. 

We arrived there after short train and car rides and I found out that the mutual friend had recently moved out - I had been too anxious for nothing. Once reassured that there would be no awkward moment with him, I managed to relax more and we ate (my wife and me) with our two friends, after which we played a game before being driven back home, in a far less anxious level than I had started with. 

Another occasion to eat with a friend was yesterday, as we invited another friend to finish the Harry Potter movies with an intermediate dinner. As this isn't the first time and it's in our own appartement, it went very well, I had no anxiety to report. 

• As soon as I heard of the upcoming cold weather,  I passed all past week grocery shopping,  taking the tram a good 15 or so time - thus having multiple exposures to riding it, which had become near intolerable for a while. I had only two occasions to ask people to move so I could get out, in moderately filled trams, which I managed very well. Next difficulty level would be doing it with much fuller tram.
• During my multiple grocery shopping outings, I had an incidental exposure to a high level anxiety occasion which I discussed in detail here. 
• I called my wife's uncle the other day to thank for the gift I mentioned above, as well as for making me feel like part of the family - with no anxiety, which surprised me a bit, but then again, it wasn't the first time I spoke with him on the phone.
• I only got to compliment acquaintances and also work on replying those I receive by actively adding my own feelings and not the mere thank you (which is the minimum one can do, to be polite).

I also had to continue my self-expression through clothes, hair etc ; I didn't go with buns like I did for Rogue One, but did go out with a freshly re-dyed hair (in plum, not a common color for men in my city). 

The one exposure that still eludes me since session 12, I believe, is voicing my opinions about possibly controversial topics. The closest I came to this were my posts about my atheism - it seems to have cost me a friendship I thought rather solid and which appear to have crumbled totally or almost... Instead of daily contact, we chat only once or twice a month now... 

I was rather happy and accomplished with the exposures that I managed to fulfill and work on my anxieties - not backing away from our friends' invitation for games and meal earlier this month, in spite of my wife's fear that I would cancel my departure. 

My therapist also congratulated my work - and since I felt at ease with her now, I shared the reference of the fantasy book I had just started reading whilst awaiting for my appointment, as I thought her daughter would like to read it. (we had discussed the Silmarillion back in November when my therapist noticed that I was reading it and she had told me that her daughter had just started it).  

For my 15th session , which will be on 6/02/2017, giving me 3 weeks to continue working on all my previous exposures as well as add the following - provided the situation occurs :

• complain about a service (for ex, if it happens in a café, that is, if I go in the first place)
• try clothes in a store (I might very well do it, since it's the sales) 

Emphasis on previous tasks:

• eat with friends (hence invite or accept to visit them)
• Visit & invite my family - there will be at least one occasion for a b-day party
• self-expression (cloths, hair...)
• compliments (giving, answering) 
• official phone calls 

My plate is quite full, which is why my next appointment is in 3 weeks. Until then, cover yourselves if you are in the middle of the cold fronts, and I'll wish you a good day.