153- CBT2016 - 13/13

Back from the 13th and last CBT session of 2016, also marking 7 months of therapy with my second CBT therapist, and much work have been achieved thus far. 

Indeed, this second CBT started 30/05/2016 and after the first preliminary session, geared towards getting to meet one another and setting the plan to follow, my therapist had sent me to do various exposures to report on the subsequent meeting. 


During these past 7 months, I have progressed, slowly, on this path, guided every 2-4 weeks by my therapist who has been always very encouraging - even, maybe especially, when I felt discouraged and that I had failed at my task. 

She would systematically point to the tasks that I had to adapt to at times ; there were difficult moments on this path, but she reminded me of very important things to keep in my mind : the reasons that led me to seek her guidance, and the goals that I've set for this therapy are at the core of my motivation to continue and thus from the 12th session (29/11) to this 13th one, I had several exposures to experience and report about, all with a level of 75/100 anxiety :

• Visiting and Inviting my family - indeed, each of these cause different kinds of anxiety, as I typically find it difficult to be around them more than a few moments, and entertain discussions. On birthday and holiday parties, this is usually even worse, because they often talk about gloomy topics, which depresses everyone and yet, they do it and I can hardly tell them to change. This xmas party was a bit different. My grandmother, the one who tends to bring those topics up, wasn't there - we had to visit her, instead. So, while the party was going with my aunt, mother and 2 friends, It was overall fun. 

Although, I have to specify that during the previous night, my wife's cousin at arrived just before 3 AM, disturbing our sleep after we'd been worried about him and for me, this is difficult in the sense it disrupts my habits and shakes me cyclothymia - already difficult to contain in view of the other elements (celebration and family). 

In turn, my mood swings exacerbated during xmas weekend, and thus affected my ability in facing my anxieties, which came in waves, on and off the entire time. 

As my therapist said during today's session, my difficulties stem from my approach to the unexpected - and I need to work to learn to accept it as part of life, because there isn't much I can do against it, and that this in turn would reduce my anxieties.

• Another task from 12th session was to continue expressing my fashion and self-image, through my long hair, floral shirts and the like. I'm glad to say that thus far, this has been rather successful and that I went with princess Leia buns to see Rogue One (on 17/12, which is a special day for us) ; I knew I was attracting attention but didn't care, and no one attacked nor remarked anything. 

I didn't manage to implement much the other 2 tasks :

• discussing and affirming my opinions in subjects that might be controversial
• complimenting strangers

I have to work on these a bit more, though I did manage to received and reply to compliments that others paid me, and respond with compliments back, to friends and acquaintances. It's more difficult to do with strangers.

For my 14th session, which will be the first of CBT2017, I have to try those opinion affirmations and continue self-expression through fashion, as well as new tasks, in the 80-90/100 anxiety level:

• Eating with friends 
• Excuse myself out of crammed tram/bus (a very difficult one for me) 
• Interact with my wife's family (I want to make a call to thank her family for some special gifts they sent me)

Have a nice end of 2016, it was a difficult year for so many, including me. I hope 2017 will bring improvements, and it's a year I want to continue working on my overall mental health.

I wish you happy holidays!