146- Coming out ...

I have delayed this post for quite a while, but I think it's high time to tell you something very important : I'm coming out... as an atheist.

There, I said the unfathomable A-word. This dirty word that seems to shock far too many people, as if it was synonymous with being a sinner and evil person when it has actually to do with the contrary.



Indeed, the association of moral standards and religions is a giant hoax, because it has been proven again and again throughout human history that religiously based societies have been and still are quarreling and waging ideological wars over and over. Modern research actually shows that atheists are more moral than religious people. 

I was once religious. I was brought up in a cult that attempted to unite all religious beliefs into one so-called logical conclusion. That cult was created and led by my father, who preached universal love, all the whilst perpetuating the worst each religious belief system had to offer : elitism, misogyny, punishment and fear of hell...

It was a cult with strict rules of getting up early, taking a cold shower to shake off one's nightly sins (even in winter), praying a whole lot, asking god and his direct representative on earth forgiveness for all sins - those we know we have committed and those we didn't know, but all the same sinful. 

I truly believed all this for many years, because it was the only model I had. 

At school, I had very few friends, but when I started visiting them, I could see differences in their lifestyles. Then began a long process of questioning, searching and finding that my case wasn't a normal one, but it wasn't enough. 

Indeed, it took over a decade AFTER I'd left this cult that my quest changed shape ; I went through religious belief in one god with design, purpose and vengeful nature to a god who created but didn't care, to a god as a metaphor, god wasn't a creator being but the universe... 

I tried my hand at various religious dogmas and philosophies, and came to no longer believe any form of religion. 

I no longer believe god is an intelligent entity who created everything, nor does he or she or they need adoration, prayers and giving up our lives for. 

I don't believe that god is that creature said to be all loving, but also all hating, taking vengeance and being an elitist. because he was simply invented by humans, and if he doesn't exist, he cannot have any of these needs, nor qualities and flaws. 

Don't get me started on the diseases and wrong-doings he lets rampant on our planet... nor the supposed choices he gives us (but with threats), nor his ''working in mysterious ways'' - all that is circular illogical thinking. 

When I first started openly taking about my atheism, I have had people telling me to respect their religious beliefs, but it's not always reciprocal ; as if I must respect the common belief in the supernatural deity that sits somewhere in the sky, rules our lives and needs constant prayers and devotion, but when I mention the illogical aspects of this supernatural being or beings, I am treated as I just offended everyone. 

I'm sick and tired of this unilateral respect ; but let me weigh my words : I don't hate you for believing, because I think that most of you were born and raised in this belief and haven't had the opportunity (or will) to truly know the core and details of your own religion, because I know that to be a fact. People's beliefs are tainted, just like mine were, and it's only through research and having an open mind to question the basis of all this that one can say in what they believe. 

I have studied my religious beliefs and dogmas for hours every day, for several years. I was indoctrinated at a mainstream religious school, by one system, and at home for the rest of the time, by another. So, I know what's in those scriptures. I know what they tell and my answer is that I simply don't believe any of it, and would love to see others at least question and embark on the research - instead of flat out telling me ''hey, but I believe, and you need to shut up already, because I must believe in this, I always did and don't see myself changing that''. 

Well, it's everyone's right to believe, and look where the world has come! Look at the state of our planet with religions : wars, misogyny, poverty, survival of the richest, elitism, hatred, slavery, genital mutilation, the crusades, inquisition... why the ''hell'' should I respect of any of it ??? 

All I do is try being the best person I can, offer my ear, my help and my time to others, and I'm treated as if I offended - just because I don't fall into the same category of deity worshiper ? 

It's all nonsense to me, and I can no longer sit quietly and let everyone dictate to me what to believe in - I had let my father brain wash me to his crazy system because I was a child and under his powers, and I found a way to rebel and get away from the power I'd given him, because he doesn't really have it himself. For this, I was congratulated, but not for being an atheist. Oh no, mister, you're pushing it!

Well, I'm coming out and I'll be out there suggesting books and videos with Seth Andrews, Richard Dawkins and others from the thinking, questioning people who used to be believers in god and stopped. 

I draw my own conclusions, because I don't agree with everything anyone says - I invite for critical and personal thinking, and conclusions. 

It saddens me that as soon as I started talking about this, it created strains in friendships, old and new, but I cannot just censor myself, not more than not discussing my veganism, feminism, or any other cause I am strongly passionate about, just for the sake of not rocking the boat. 

My space is my own, and it's my right to share who and what I stand for, just like all those prayers and god this and jesus there, that I read EVERYwhere... and that means that I'll continue talking about my atheism and veganism and beliefs in education, feminism, anti-racism, and so forth... 

And no, me being an atheist isn't exactly about mental health, but it is part of me, and who I am today : I will no longer tolerate anyone telling me to be silent. 

It's also about my 2 cents of social commentary regarding mutual respect, that is usually far from mutual - and the reactions I received about my atheism from some of my believer friends and acquaintances proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt. 

I am not telling you to stop believing just because I found this answer - that would mean that I am no better than my father on this aspect. 

Instead, I invite you to look it up, think it over, question and find your answers. Let me have my own answer, because I'm there (for this part at least). 

Thank you for your prayers if you think I'm sinner, but no thank you, I don't need it - my conscious is clear.