145- Mental health weight

Sometimes, my mental health just weighs so much on my shoulders, it feels as heavy as a 16T brick - like in the famous Monty Python sketch.  I wish I had more vacation from my numerous phobias and post-traumatic shenanigans. 

I've been feeling the over-presence of my mental illnesses so acutely, it became once more quite depressing. It's just not a good feeling to experience so much weight and fatigue from these issues - these social anxieties and numerous other phobias, especially copro, emeto, and blood phobias which make my daily living a series of difficulties and limit my activities, governs my choices in entertainment. 


On top of it all, I haven't been able to fulfill most of my CBT exposures and my next session is on the 9th. (in 2 days). I'll ask my therapist to help me, because I feel quite stuck now that I reached the anxiety level 75/100 and had 4 tasks added to my previous and it all overwhelmed me - especially since I invited friends to watch several movies past week, and had almost no ''cave'' recovery. 

That isn't to say that I didn't enjoy my friends over, but I probably should've taken more time in between each invitation and not crammed so close together.  

Today, I managed to go to city center and the organic store ; I took 2 trams and 2 buses (total), furtively spoke to vendors and told someone in the tram that her shoe laces were undone, but this accomplishment didn't help deter away from my depressive mood and generally feeling blergh... I kinda wish I could hibernate and wake up next spring - and send my psyche on vacation, she needs it so much...