141- CBT2016-8

Back from a long afternoon, quite tired as I had my 8th CBT session, and food shopping both at the organic store and the supermarket (after a break between each).

Last session, my therapist had asked if my wife could come discuss the various pieces of advice and support my wife gives me, becoming a co-therapist in the process. 

Today, we went ; I was a bit anxious, once more, as I felt I hadn't done enough of my exposures, and yet again my therapist pointed out after I read my notes that I did more than I gave myself credit for. 

I brought up a discussion I had with my wife last night, about some difficulties I had with unexpected visits and also my lack of assertiveness, even in my own home - as when people visit, I am even more of a beta than I usually am, and just go along everyone's decisions, even if I don't feel or want to. Last night, we came to the conclusion that since it’s too complicated for me to change a lifetime of erased beta attitude, we’d devise a signal between us and my therapist found it was a great idea – at least as a first step towards learning to assert myself better, eventually.

Another reason why my therapist wanted my wife there was to assess how my wife sees my progress and what she does to support my healing process.

I did, however, ask my therapist if we could prolong my CBT after we’re done with my social phobias and try to treat my two worst other phobias (emeto, and copro-phobias), and she agreed, which is great because I really don’t know what to do about either and they are really severe and cause me great discomfort every day of my life.

All that done, I need to learn to see the half full side of the cup, not the empty one – regarding my exposures specifically, but everything really.

I have to continue all my exposures and pass to the next level of anxiety, adding the task of going to an official office, which I have to do anyway – so it’s a great timing.

I’m still fighting my current cyclothymia, but with a tad bit more success than these past couple weeks – though I remain more emotional than usual.

And I had to face several full buses today, on my way to the two shops – and didn’t get off till I arrived to my destinations, in spite of creeping high anxiety levels… verging on panic on the last bus which luckily was the one that brought me home in less than 15 minutes.

9^th session shall be on 4^th of October, in just over 2 weeks, and before that, I’ll also have my regular therapist on 20/9 – for which I need to plan a topic of discussion.