109 - update to ''I am not well''

Update to 108 : expansion, to answer what the hell happened to me?


I am not well. I emotionally ate junk food (one that is made from corn, peanuts, oil, salt & pepper), that I am quite addicted to... 

I now remember why I had stopped buying it, years ago... I now just paid with my emotional eating : I just threw up 3 times in a row, because I also have emetophobia, because once it starts, I feel it and makes me nauseous and I go on. 




I went on, every few moments, running back to WC and threw up 30 times from 7 to 11 PM. 

All this started because I was very upset at several things that had happened, little things, and the fact that I have many difficulties functioning alone. I used to, but this is no longer the case.

Over the years, I have become quite dependent on others, especially my wife in daily life actions and decisions. I'm not sure if my case totally fits it, but I might have become ''DPD'' as in Dependent Personality Disorder - I'll have to research that and discuss the topic with my therapist. 

I am also dependent on others when it comes to my social phobias : I need a reassuring person to accompany me to social events, so I can rely on taking me out in case panic attack. 

For some reason, during this particular trip my wife took,  my level of anxiety went overboard, straight to panic attack, and I ate emotionally that junk food - and with the quantities, it was a binge eating.

After the first couple times being sick, I had no energy. I fell on the floor next between WC and bathroom, my breathing became shallow. It took me a good while to get up, and head to bed, where I thought I'd find refuge.

Only, shortly after, the nausea caught up with me and I had to run again.
I tried to call my mother in between such attacks, but she didn't reply. 

A few minutes before 11PM, I heard some knocking - I thought my mom was at the window. So, I picked up the phone next to me and called her, but she was at home. As we spoke, she decided to come in spite of the later hour, and as soon as she arrived I was seized by another nausea attack and threw up for the last time.

She made me 3 peppermint, verveine & marshmallow root teas and stayed with me for an hour. (she told me a friend of hers was visiting when I first called, and didn't understand there was any urgency).

Once I felt better, she went home and I back to bed.

Every hour or so, I had to get up and drink some water. I still had a bit of fever, and my mouth would dry up. 

All night, and all day, I could only drink a bit of water at a time. 

I had my first food in 26 hours : 2 spoons of rice, at 7 PM (thursday), and now another 2 spoons of it at 4 AM (friday). 

I just had the first few hours of straight sleeping (7PM to 4AM)

I need to eat a banana, and some vitamins to help me recuperate faster. 

I am doing better but drained, physically and emotionally empty.