115- Art : from art, to art therapy (4) - 2016 !

Previous entries :
111 ; 112 ; 113 & 114

7 years is a long time not to make any art. But, I hadn't felt any kind of inspiration or will to act on any rare images that did reach my mind... I didn't feel particularly good, nor that I'd ever improve.

I thought my art was far in my past, and that living in the present meant not dwelling on my lack of talents and skills. I thought I was mediocre and would remain it, because I had no patience to learn and improve, and didn't accept the frustrations of the ugly phase - that phase where everything that I could make would appear wonky, crooked, out of focus, and immature.

I had in my mind the end product, not the journey... 




All this changed recently after a discussion with Brenda on twitter. She loved some of my photos, and her encouragements loosened my nervousness. I shared with her a couple of my watercolors and she was thrilled and told me that she loved them - to my greatest positive surprise. My art wasn't immature, but pretty... 

I took my courage in two hands, and all 10 fingers : I posted the same art pieces and a few others on twitter.  In mere minutes I had several likes, re-twitts and compliments. 

I was ecstatic and Brenda's repeated encouragements to resume making art have unlocked something in me. 

That day - July 19, I yielded and on to produce this sketch I called Something got away, in which the egg represents me, with my cracks and escaped emotions, those which I couldn't feel anymore because of the emotional numbing that I'd been experiencing. 

I had a positive feeling as I worked on this piece, and felt a cathartic return of emotions. 

Then, I also drew a representation of me and my paternal grand-father, about whom I'd been thinking a lot lately, with nostalgia and some difficult emotions as I had to sacrifice all contact with him and the fact that I cannot find any information if he's still alive at a possibly very advanced age (almost 100).

I still don't know if he's still alive, but I felt a certain relief to draw us in one of our activities : walking in the city. 

Even though I wasn't able to properly draw a camera (he's the one who gave me the shutter bug), I felt a certain progress in my perspective and basic figure drawing. 

The next day, on July 20, I searched for an inspiration and decided upon Virginia Woolf's short story ''The Mark on the wall'' - and gave this sketch an eponymous title. 

I was particularly pleased with my snail - which I never did before, in any medium. I looked at a photo online, and did only one test sketching on the side before committing to my project. 

I tried to shade the stones of the wall, but the repetitious filling frustrated me a bit. Still, for half an hours work, and finishing touches to this sketch which I found out was a bit too large for the scanner made this interesting bending effect on the left. 

My sketching notebook isn't an easy book to bend, so after a day's rest, I made one more project, this time purposefully cut on the side, to avoid such an effect.

This inspiration comes from my favorite ever episode in Star Trek Deep Space 9 and depicts Benny Russell - Far Beyond the stars. (the latter part is the title of the episode, and I used it in my sketching title).

 I used a photo from that episode as well as a photo from a whole different episode, for the particular angle chosen for this project, and blended in the details of each of these photos for which I include these images, if you want to study my work more closely. 

This is the longest sketch I ever made : 2 and half hours.

After the first half an hour, I'd reached this level, after which I felt very frustrated each time I tried to add in the eyes. 

After many attempts, I set it aside for 40 minutes, to cool off my brain and avoid the massive frustration I felt growing on me. 

I had nearly gave up but the importance of Deep Space 9 for me, and the wish to ''make it'', somehow, I pushed and asked my wife for some guidance. She explained and demonstrated a few techniques and helped me pass the initial hurdles and it is with her patience and knowledge that I continued working another couple hours to finally get to the end representation I posted above. 


I proved to myself that I could push through and didn't do it for anyone else but myself. 
This piece alone represents a huge personal victory, over my frustrations and impatience, and I could enjoy the ride, as well as my wife's teaching and I'm sure the new skills will serve me in the future.

I made all these with the spirit of working on my self-confidence and allow myself something pleasurable - which isn't always easy because of my upbringing. 

I am a work in progress, at all times.

My art is as well, and I'll try to remain more proactive and regular with it. 

I think it's highly important to never give up on yourself, you my readers, who doubt your own talents or skills. Even the greatest artists in the world doubted themselves, and started their work at some point in their lives. Just as they were beginners before they could improve, so we can all.

I know that many of my readers are people I met in the mental health community, and to you, and us, I want to say : let's believe in ourselves, and never compare with other artists. We are different people, and if you want to make art : make it!  show it or not, it's your choice. But don't let self doubts and lack of self-esteem t dictate what you can or cannot do. 

If your art is sketching, painting or sculpting, photography : do it, or them... 
If it's writing poetry, novels, or music, they are also forms of art... I'm sure I forgot just as many other forms as those I mentioned..

You do you ! you already are you, why shouldn't you do you? Right ? 

It can help alleviate tension, or express yourself in other forms than talking or blogging.
It can help boost your self-image as you learn and improve your skills.

And I know that these activities can help with many mental illnesses, not the least depression and mood related ones. 

And if you don't suffer, and still want to make art: make it. One doesn't must have a reason or condition to make it. 

Believe in yourself, listen to positive criticism ; don't hesitate to reach out and ask other artists to help learning and developing your skills. 

Don't compare, and don't listen to non-constructive critics or belittling comments : only the positives and supportive.