101 - CBT 2016-3

I just came back from my third new CBT appointment, with positive discussions revolving around my thought patterns and results from my previous tasks.

• First, Liebowitz anxiety scale showed similar amounts of anxieties and avoidance, which isn't exactly a surprise, but confirms the overall estimation I had of it. 
• Second, it also showed that my performance anxieties are about equal to my social ones : hence, being observed, or not, in situations creates similar amounts of tensions for me.

I finished my first exposure therapy and had to ask passers-by the hour, at least once a day since my previous CBT appointment on the 14th. 

• 14th : from the moment I left the hospital till I came back home, I met no one (it's not far)
• 15th : I forgot to go out to do my task
• 16 &17th I hadn't dared to ask anyone, and was afraid of disturbing people. My anxiety level was 100 (maximum). 
•  Then, on 18th I went to the local park to read and then to the organic store. I noticed that part of my difficulty derived from performance anxiety, as I had a task in my mind. I was very inhibited, almost until the very end. I managed to ask a man who wasn't frowning and had a general nice demeanor. Just prior, my anxiety was only 50 and once I asked, I felt accomplished and relieved. 
• 19th I remained home as it was too cold outside
• 20th I met only a dozen people on my way to mall and didn't manage asking as my anxiety was 100
• 21st I managed to ask, first a woman (and in front of another woman) &
• 22nd I managed to ask from a man, and each of these days my anxiety just prior was about 30
• 23rd, last day of my exercice I managed to ask another man, and felt only a bit of anxiety as I had passed 2 other people before I asked him. My level was about 15, only.

During these days, my level of anxiety progressed and reduced from extreme to tolerable ; from a huge inhibition, I could finally go ahead and ask, and not feel too much of this anxiety. 
I also noticed that although at first, men - especially the frowning kind - blocked me more than anyone, I ended up asking about equally from men and women - which is a progress for me, because of my various ''guy problems'' and difficulties with authority figures. 

My next step is to tackle the next relative difficult social situation : asking someone, in the street, a store or a bus, for some information  - which requires a little more conversation than the ''simple'' hour. 

I plan to start that tomorrow, the 25th, but I want to list myself a few possible types of questions to help alleviate additional stress. 

As we shall travel for a few days, it'll be an opportunity to ask for directions to stores, bus stops or hours, for example. 

I must ask at least once a day - but it would be preferable to gradually learn to ask several times and thus reduce the overall levels of anxiety and become accustomed to deal with these situations. 

Again, each time I need to write down the level of anxiety I had, and for this, I shall bring not only a small sheet in my pocket - but also a smaller version of my notebook, for daily logs. 

Once back home from our trip, I shall consolidate everything and a few days later, I shall have my next meeting is on 8th of July, in a couple weeks.