50 - Star Wars convention

We  just came back from the Star Wars convention, here are the results of my experience:

Yesterday evening, after 6 weeks of mental preparation to the idea of going to this convention, I almost canceled my departure. Anxiety has grown enormously during these weeks - since I first heard of this convention, to block me from last night to this morning, for more than 13 hours I was constipated and bloated with a knot in my stomach as the D day approached (I had announced this event on post 36).



This morning I even thought about not leaving with my wife and friends, out of fear of having a malaise.
I knew that there would be a lot of people,  but I decided that I'd leave the building if I had a crisis.




The rain added some stress because I wasn't sufficiently dressed but thought it would be warm inside ... that was true, only the first main building of the convention. It was also too overcrowded with people for me, and I started to panic and got stuck within  myself and the air itself was missing, and feared i'd faint.
.
Close to defeat and a total withdrawal, I was torn between my desire to leave and the stay.
On the one hand, I had rain and cold awaiting for me outside, and on the other, I was admiring the sight of all geek objects and all those cosplayers, disguised for the occasion.

I moved to a wall to watch and after a few moments, could overcome the panic state and breathe a little easier. Calmer, I could remain there a little longer, before heading outside on our way to another part of the convention to see other things.

The rain and having been driven by friends forced me to stay, because it was impossible to escape completely and the idea of ​​staying outside repelled me to no end ... So, I remained and could look a bit more, but at no time did I dare go ask people to pose for me or follow my wife and photograph the cosplayers with her. I was very anxious and intimidated, and couldn't overcome my inhibition in this regard, not before ... almost the very end. (I shall get back to this later).


Bad surprise of the convention: it was divided in several places and we had to cross paths in the mud and rain because of course, the last day of April it rained a lot.
Certainly close to May 4, Star Wars day (the english pun is lost in french), I think it would've been better to schedule this event for next weekend of 7-8, still close to May 4th and with higher chances of nice weather. (but they didn't ask me!).

This bad weather and repetitive passages between buildings certainly helped to limit the number of people afterward the first building, but also added stress to my anxiety.

Fortunately, I was able to feel a little better and joke with our friends whose children were so cute and funny, and took several pictures and a video of them and also some pictures of cosplays, including a guys who was walking towards me and thought that I was taking a picture of him and who posed for me, after which I could thank him as I was much more relaxed at this point.
That's the only time I was able to loosen up completely.

Regarding photography, I was so inhibited that I had to use the automatic mode instead of manual; it is difficult for me to concentrate to tinker manual mode while I stress, and I lack inspiration and motivation as well, during such times.

Despite my great difficulties and my panic attack, I have not run away like I expected and for that, I think this experience is still a success and a personal victory: I was able to go as this morning I was ready to cancel my participation.

Next time, it'll have to be even better and it will be possible, I think, because on one hand I have a new cognitive-behavioral therapy, which should begin in May, and as I started reading a book 'Overcoming shyness and social phobia' 'by Ronald Rapee, which I will discuss in a post dedicated to my reading and exercises given in 9 lessons.

to be continued!