28- Avoidant personality, cognitions, emotions & isolation

I have already mentioned in other posts that I avoided social situations that cause me anxiety. Reading ''la peur des autres'' gave me the term relating to this : it is avoidant personality disorder. This means that I avoid, or at least avoided all social situations, sources of anxiety, as if I clicked continually on ''escape'' to exit a faulty software...


But what is it exactly, avoidant personality disorder? In this social inhibition mode, resulting in feelings of being inadequate, not living up to other's expectations, in various situations. These feelings are made possible by my lack of self-confidence and hypersensitivity to negative evaluation.

I developed this disorder very early in my life and have been aware of it only in the past couple years. Before, I avoided situations, thinking that i was just introverted ; that I didn't like a lot of people, and that I was perhaps a little antisocial.

Through the above-mentioned book, I realized that I actually enjoyed some people's company: my wife and my friends, some family members. But I have trouble with strangers, these people I do not know, or at least, not yet ... Hence difficulties in forging new friendships me and keeping them alive ...




I avoid stress inducing situations: going to the movies (which I manage to do for in the past couple years, but rarely) ; going to a concert, restaurant, or to a party ... I avoid out of fear of not being up to it, not knowing what to talk about and with whom, of appearing ridiculous or uninteresting.

As indicated in ''cognitive therapy'', the expectation of danger can create the same anxieties that during a real danger. The fear of fearing later creates the fear in the present ... which means that when I am faced with the simple idea of ​​invitation or a stressful situation to come, I already feel anxiety.

I developed my avoidant personality .. to avoid these anxieties: if I'm not in front of the stimulus, I do not have its resulting anxieties ...
The problem is that by avoiding too many situations, I created a giant gap between my former ability to cope with situations - already limited by my past experiences - and an almost total inability in the present.

This inability is due to the fact that by avoiding all situations, family outings, friends' invitations, trips to the movies, concerts, and many other public places, I weakened my capacities because I was not not exposed to anything for a very long period...
For the past two years, I have been keenly aware that I started slipping into isolation; so, I started going to the movies and I try to get out more, because I have a great fear of finding myself completely alone.

Social phobia is a paradox, because on one hand I am afraid of social situations, but I need to socialize like I need air to breathe... 

I need friendships, human contact with intellectual and emotional exchanges ... and it creates this paradox progressingly drifting to self-imprisonment...

So for two years I force myself to go out, see people, although I often experience panic attacks and severe anxiety ... which became the lesser evil. Because otherwise I do know that isolation awaits... and fear of it pushes me to try not to be afraid of anything, anymore, at all ...
But I know that at first, this is the ultimate goal and impossible to achieve after the past decades with the same social inhibition which became a lifestyle, and therefore I need to reach an intermediate position between the two extremes ... 

To that end, and possible healing, I read, listen to vlogs and keeps my own blogs and seing my friends more often are my anchors to other people right now, my anchors in this long path towards mending my broken cognitions and emotions. 

More about this disorder