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Remember post 14? I mentioned that 2 years old, a friend was celebrating his 50th birthday and had invited more than 15 friends that I didn't know to celebrate with him and his sister. I'd declined for fear of having a panic attack and feel globally bad .
Following this, I undertook my long journey, attempted cognitive therapy I'd stopped in January 2016, pursuing my own therapy and have been waiting to find a better psychiatrist at the University Hospital.
Yesterday I was invited to visit this same friend, again with other people I did not know, but in a smaller group. I made the effort and went there with my wife. Once there, several people who had been there for two hours, left after having saying hello.
We were there with two hosts, and up to only 4 other people.
I started to feel uncomfortable very quickly, and after one hour I had already sent a signal to my wife that I was ready to go. My wife knows my body language very well and understood my covert message. After consultating the bus schedules, we agreed to wait for the next one, because we had only 5 minutes to go down all the stairs and walk 450m to the stop - an impossible mission.
I finally stayed there for 1h30 and there were a few moments of awkward silence where we had nothing to say to the other guests as the hosts (out mutual friends) weren't in the room, and I have felt the difficulty of finding topics to discuss, so I just replied to some questions but didn't initiate anything.
It was easier, of course, to talk with our friends than their other ones, and it was quite predictable.
My effort was recognized by the thanks of our two hosts who repeated to me twice each.
I feel this as a success, a good effort, and with time I think reaching my goal and not to feel so bad in such circumstances.
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