17 – Trust/ Confidence

I deliberately chose a slightly vague title because it evokes several facets, that I will now detail.
Trust in me (self confidence); in others; and in the future.

First, self confidence: I grew up for years hearing words depersonalizing me. These words had also a demoralizing effect, reducing my confidence almost to nothing, and by someone who should have been helping me build my confidence by creating positive references.

16 – A social phobic's tools (1)

As I announced earlier, I have developed in recent months new tools to move towards healing social phobias that give me so much trouble. 
During a first CBT that I stopped because I felt worse with my therapist than without, I started listening to vlogs on youtube, made by people suffering like me various forms of anxiety and social phobias ; depression; phobias and / or various obsessions; in short, our mental and emotional health to each and every one is put to the test.

15 -The hobbies of the social phobic

The hobbies of a social phobic are more retrospective and solitary in nature; I can play games with people I like, only, but never in large committees.

I've never been to a concert, but I managed to go to the movies (only in the past 2 years), despite the anxiety that continues whilst waiting in line to pay and waiting for the movie to start while the room fills. 
Once the lights go out, it gets better and I can enjoy the session. I like to talk later with my wife and, where applicable, friends who came to see the movie, and share our respective impressions and criticisms.

14 – Attending parties/ social phobia

Attending parties/whilst suffering from social phobia... 

Is never easy. This requires a lot of efforts which I preferred to avoid for many years, afraid to deal with anxiety attacks and panic, especially with strangers.
18 months ago I'd declined an invitation to celebrate a friend's 50th birthday, and after that I felt bad because this friend and his sister had rendered us many services and they are people that I appreciate. Tired of my attacks, I decided to talk to my therapist and ask for closer meetings, and this has led to my chaotic CBT journey now pending.

13 – chaotic path – part 2 : the search for personal tools

11 – chaotic path – part 2 : the search for personal tools

After a year of an unsuccessful CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and no progress, I decided since December 2015 to take the lead and get my own tools, especially as several social events at the end of the year loomed and I was very anxious about their approach.
Between two CBT appointments with the psychiatrist I launched the appropriate keywords in the youtube search engine: ''TCC'' (the French acronym for this therapy). I wanted to know, above all, if my therapy unfolded properly, if my shrink had taken care of my case and for this I had to know the normal course of CBT. Gradually I enlarged my search adding key words cognitive behavioral therapy and social phobia.

12- Social phobia and friendships

Having social phobia is blocking and delayed my emotional development, together with the delays caused by my traumatic sequelae and my youth.
Indeed, I led a segregated life, with no real friendships for years (childhood, adolescence, and early in my adult life).

11- Trauma & consequences

Trigger warning : trauma, abuse.

Besides a number of phobias and cyclothymia, I also suffer from post-traumatic state, following numerous youth trauma. Moreover, a part of them are the origin of development phobias, whether social or others.

My parental figure subtracted me from the rest of the family, and during those years had forbidden me: reading, listening or playing music, watching tv, playing games of all kinds, talking to other children and form friendships. Also talk to girls was forbidden, for other reasons.
Any act considered contrary to the rules was severely punished with beatings, confinement in cramped toilet, or being sent to bed without food.

10 - Book - Cyclothymie

9- Book- Self help for your nerves

Final version 5/March/2016

I finished, or rather interrupted reading at page 157, that is 15 pages before the end, because I was a bit fed up with the book!

The author could have easily organized it in a much more concise form instead of endlessly repeating the unique 4 tips on each passage, even though they are valid.

8- Phobias…

Cyclothymia and phobias: some of my afflictions.

In the intro of the blog, I said '' Welcome, this is my blog on topics about psychology, especially social phobias and other I suffer, as cyclothymia.

I now divide the phobias I suffer or have suffered from into categories as follows.

(edit : in due time, I learned that I do not suffer from cyclothymia, contrary to initial diagnosis) 

7 - Cyclothymia

Cyclothymia and phobias : a few of my afflictions.
As I said in the intro of this blog, I suffer from cyclothymia.
Sociales phobias aren't the only to give me daily pain, but I suffer or have suffered from many other phobias.

Cyclothymia isn't a phobia but a disorder, in the bipolar range, in which euphoria and periods of alternating depression and irritability.
Or, I can say that I have mood swings, which can be either short or long, and can happen brutally with no apparent cause.

6- Book– La depression en 60 questions

Book– La depression en 60 questions
Author: Dr Jean-Luc Ducher
Note : 7/10
Year: 2011 Odile Jacob. ISBN 2738126308
274 pages

Presented in a question-answer form, the book consists of dialogues between the therapist and his patients, with around 60 frequently asked questions about the various forms of depression, or as the author points, depressive episodes.

What I liked: the clarity of dialogue & information which can be drawn.

Pretty easy to read, in this form, because being depressed, it's hard to read some dry things, like the majority of books about it.

Nevertheless, I found it odd that a supposedly proposed book as a question-answer does not always have the question marks...
Due to time constraints (to finish the book in a small weekend), I skipped 18 issues that did not fit me. Overall, good, informative, but I do not like the insistence of the therapist with respect to drug treatments during the entire Chapter 6.

5- Book- ''la Peur des autres''

Book- la Peur des autres
Authors: Christophe André ; Patrick Légeron
Note: 8/10
Year: 2005 (1995)* 
Odile Jacob,  ISBN 2738112366
*332 pages (I read this pocket edition) / 272 pages (1995 edition)
Language:  French 

This book is informative and lifts the veil, as desired by the two authors, psychologists, on the various forms of social anxieties: stage fright, shyness, social phobia. It is illustrated by numerous cases of both author's patients, to better demonstrate every facet.
Self-evalutation grids, questions throughout the book and in the Appendix, helps to  answer the question ''  do I have social anxieties, and where, how, under what circumstances? '' - I presume one doesn't read this book without an idea about it, or in my case, some certainties and a suggested reading ... 

4- chaotic path

The idea for this blog came to me after a chaotic journey. Indeed, for years I avoided many social situations, not knowing that I was suffering from ''social phobia'' and that I had an ''avoidant personality'', terms that I learned last year.
For years I avoided and just thought that I was introverted and hated the company of people - well, people I liked were few, and others, I avoided.

3- Suggestion box

Hello all, this is the thread if you want to suggest topics for me to treat - if I can and they are in the scope of this blog (mental and holistic health), I shall be glad to follow your recommendations.

There are some international awareness months and several months have no assigned topic by the community. I shall either post normally during the relative sundays, unless you suggest 
anything, or I find something on my own.

2 - blog manual

New changes for this August 2017 (though I don't re-date the original post, so it can remain in its position).

I changed the overall look by altering the layout and choosing another background image from blogger's stock. 

1- Welcome

Welcome, this is my blog on topics about mental health/illness, especially social phobias and other phobias  I suffer from, as well as a few other conditions such as cyclothymia and post-traumatic stress disorder. 

I will also deal with holistic health, the relationship between the psyche and the body, in a holistic approach, a bit of my physical health at random, and concentrate on medicinal plants, a topic which fascinates me since my youth.

I want to clarify that I am not a doctor, psychiatrist or other therapist, and I will only share my experience with my tools, whether books or articles, videos, or any other form.

I won't have time to translate the French speaking tools ; I shall give you only their gist. 

This blog is intended as a testimony, and advice isn't a professional opinion but my personal one, based on my my circumstances.

The title of the blog is a pun : in Capra's It's a wonderful life, Zuzu is sick and the petals of a flower she has ''break''. She asks her father to ''fix them''. My wife has a funny expression saying that ''my petals are fragile'', because i'm hypersensitive. 
I thought to use this metaphor and express how my petals = my mental and physical health, are fragile and have to be fixed. Furthermore, my pseudo Lulu rhymes with Zuzu's... 
This title reflects both the release of my phobias, but also modes of robotic thoughts, stepping out of preset norms as I develop my own opinions. 

I shall discuss a few social topics and causes I feel strongly about, such as gender-identifications, social labeling, feminism and humanism, veganism and possibly a few philosophical ideas. 

I would be open to dialogue and exchanges, with mutual respect. I ask before publication to weigh your words and thank you in advance for your comments.
To post your comments, it is imperative to log-in and make sure the name is active with the browser. I noticed this little problem on blogger, but after trying several other sites where the free interfaces didn't suit me, I elected my home here.

If you need to contact me, I have created an email attached to this blog :
lulupetals@mail.com 

To comment my blog, check my blog user manual in post 2 just after this one and which I update whenever necessary